


Sense of Him

by mademoisellebianx



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Historical, Brendol Hux's A+ Parenting, Hux in a Dress, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Knotting, M/M, Mentions of Cults, Mildly Dubious Consent, Minor Character Death, Monster Kylo Ren, Monsters, Mutual Pining, Panic Attacks, Past Child Abuse, Period-Typical Homophobia, Period-Typical Sexism, Rey and Ben are related, Sexual Tension, Soft Kylux, Werewolves, Xenophilia, because I am weak for it, monster fucking, or Snoke is a Creep
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-23
Updated: 2019-01-09
Packaged: 2019-09-25 08:33:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 42,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17117990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mademoisellebianx/pseuds/mademoisellebianx
Summary: To escape the violence of war that tore down their hometown, Armitage Hux and his father fled to the quiet and peaceful town of Chandrila where Armitage meets Ben Solo, the mayor’s mysterious and melancholic son. Soon, Armitage began to unravel that the town Chandrila holds a deep, dark secret that the mayor tries to cover up. One fateful night, he was thrust into a supernatural world of men and monsters and his life was completely changed.





	1. Hear No Evil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A young man and his father sought refuge in a quiet town.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! This is my first KBB ever and I am so excited to share this to y'all. ^_^ This was inspired by a specific scene in Dracula (1992). Please do heed the warnings.

Armitage jolted awake, gasping for breath and in a brink of panic as he feels the ground beneath his feet violently shaking. With blurry eyes wide, he surveyed his environment; looking for a threat of any sort but it was too dark to see anything. He expects to find himself back in his solitary bed room in Arkanis and much to his relief, he wasn't.

Shifting uncomfortably on his seat in the moving carriage, he grimaced as his knees complained from the strain of keeping them folded for so long. He and his father has been traveling for days - both by sea and land - and Armitage is terribly exhausted to the bone. Strange how he feels so tired even if he had only been sitting. The rhythmic and relaxing sound of the horseshoes against the ground had been his lullaby to shallow sleep for days and nights now.

Despite only sleeping for three hours every day of their travel, it was still the most sleep he’s ever had since the Arkanisian military force attacked the town in an attempt to overthrow their ruler. The coup d’etat had destroyed several properties and drained Arkanis of its resources. Arkanis is but a small island and so, it took only a few days for the rebels to conquer most of its territories. His father, Brendol Hux, decided that the only way for him to survive was to leave. Armitage knows that his father brought him along not because he cares about him, but because he could use him. They fled, bringing just enough money for their travel and their most important possessions only. His father, being a successful businessman and a retired commandant, had many connections and so it was easy for them to leave unscathed; well, it also helped that they were only two.

Days had passed and still, Armitage has no idea where they were headed. Brendol never told him anything but the name of the town, Chandrila. Armitage has never heard of it before. He’s never allowed beyond their mansion in Arkanis and so, he didn’t have any opportunity to travel anywhere. He was mostly only familiar with other places from his home schooling but even then, he has not heard of Chandrila. Perhaps, his father just made it up and the truth is, they actually do not have any place to go to. Anxiety pooled in the pit of Armitage’s stomach, but before he can say anything, the carriage stopped.

“Ah, finally, we are bloody here,” Brendol said, groaning while he sat up from his slouching. He sounded more irritated than relieved.

Where is ‘here’, exactly? Armitage peeped out of the window, knowing that his father will not supply him any answer even if he asks nicely. It’s still dark, perhaps too late at night or too early in the morning for people to be awake. He could barely see anything.

“Out of there, boy, quickly!”

It was like his father flipped a switch. All of a sudden, his body moved on its own. The way his father’s booming voice snapped at him brought Armitage back to Arkanis, to his childhood. Armitage quickly moved to do as his father had told him to do, jumping out of the carriage. All he could see are trees. Are they in the middle of a forest? He hurried to follow his father up the steep paved trail, having not moved inside the cramped space in the carriage, his legs throbbing and knees quaking from the effort. His father, although old and a bit overweight, easily climbed up. He did not glance over his shoulder to check on his son, not even once. Armitage looked up, to where it was that the trail leads to – a mansion. It’s an impressive yet old mansion, its exterior purely made of unpainted stone and it was covered in moss. What reminded Armitage of his fears and doubts of them not actually having anywhere to go to is the realization that they were in the middle of nowhere. They were surrounded only by trees and whatever wildlife creature residing in those trees and headed in a house that looks completely abandoned.

Armitage was breathless when he reached the doorway and Brendol was gently knocking on it. A few moments later, the door opens and they were welcomed by a pale young man with short dark burgundy hair. He looked at them nonchalantly.

“Hello,” Brendol said, “I believe that Mister Snoke is expecting us.”

The young man nodded his head, face blank and eyes emotionless as he opens the door further to let them in. Judging from his unanimated and sluggish demeanor, Armitage and his father must have arrived too early in the morning then. Once the pair had entered the room, the silent young man closes the door behind them before leaving them in what it looks like the living room without a word. Brendol sneered then sank to sit on one bright red couch. On the other hand, the younger Hux stood despite how much his legs complained, waiting for his father to permit him to sit. When his father continued to ignore him, Armitage busies himself by scrutinizing the living room. Unlike the mansion’s plain and old exterior, the living room was grand as it was heavily decorated with different paintings of a man with piercing blue eyes, gold pieces of furniture, and several different statues.

“Brendol, welcome, welcome...”

Armitage glanced towards a peculiar bald older man with sickly pale white skin draped in a golden bath robe walked down the staircase. There are several ghastly scars on his square face – a scar bisects his forehead and there are scratch-like scars on his cheeks. Armitage doesn’t recognize this man from before from any of the parties his father had once hosted in Arkanis. With everything that is flamboyant in him, the most striking part of the man is his light icy blue circular, large eyes.

Brendol quickly stood from the couch, smiled and approached the old man. “Snoke!” He said, familiarity brightening his green eyes. The old man – Snoke, as Brendol called him – gives him a pat on the back.

“I am glad that you and young Armitage are safe,” Snoke said, “I am certain that you’re both exhausted from your very long travel. We could talk after you’re both rested.”

“Armitage,” Brendol called him, grinning widely; almost manic with fatigue. But it wasn’t just fatigue that makes his smile unnatural and artificial, knowing his father, there is that underlying hatred and bitterness. Just looking at his own son inspires these emotions inside the older Hux. “This is my business partner, Mister Clementine Snoke. He will be our benefactor while we rebuild our lives here in Chandrila.”

“I am pleased to make your acquaintance, Mister Snoke,” Armitage said, extending his arm towards the old man heading his direction.

Up close, Snoke’s scars looked even more hideous and made him look intimidating. Said intimidation did not alter even when Snoke flashed him a wide, enthusiastic grin. Surely, Snoke could have been handsome when he was young, when his face was yet to be mauled by whatever animal and made as grotesque as it is now. Armitage did not expect the thin, frail-looking old man’s grip around his hand to be that tight when they shook hands. His palm, his fingers...they are cold as ice.

 

* * *

  
The next day, as they eat breakfast, Mister Clementine Snoke mentions that he would be introducing the Huxes to the mayor of Chandrila and her family after they have their much needed rest.

Snoke is a reserved and quiet man. It was difficult for Armitage to figure him out. At times, Snoke would be reserved and secretive, he stays in his own room in complete silence. There were times when Snoke would be out and about, talking to them, radiating with charm. But even with how utterly strange he is, Snoke treats them kindly and provides them with everything they needed. Armitage could imagine that being unmarried and childless, Snoke appreciated having his and Brendol’s company.

“Does it not excite you, boy?” Brendol asks Armitage while Armitage helps him unpack. Snoke provided them both a bedroom each, which Armitage had been utterly grateful for. He didn’t want to come across as ungrateful since they were already lucky enough to escape Arkanis before the state of it got any worse, but he knows he could not survive for long if he were to stay in the same room as his father.

“We are somewhere where no one knows us. We’re free to do whatever we damn please! Perhaps, you could even find yourself a husband.”

Armitage almost dropped his father’s clothes in shock. A husband? Did he hear his father right? He fumbles and catches the clothes quickly, holding them tightly against his chest while his heart rapidly pounded while blood rushes to his hollow cheeks. The topic of marriage has never been brought up during their conversations because Brendol knows of Armitage’s sexuality and it’s one of the many reasons why he despises his son.

“I always worry about you, Armitage,” his father continues, “perhaps, you should start entertaining suitors. I heard Chandrila is more accepting to people like you compared to Arkanis…”

Armitage is more than thirty years of age, and he’s never had any romantic relationships. Men being attracted with other men had always been frowned upon in Arkanis and so, it was difficult for Armitage to find someone to share a deep connection with. Being home-schooled and mostly caged inside their house, Armitage was also unable to meet and socialize with anyone.

“…I’m sure there are well-mannered, handsome men around this town who would be dying to meet you. You look more like your mother so you’re pretty enough to attract…”

Brendol did not hide the way he bitterly spat the word ‘pretty’. He has never described Armitage to be good-looking, in fact, he does the exact opposite. Armitage personally believes that he isn’t half bad. Although, he doesn’t think that way most of the time when he was younger. He has high and prominent cheekbones, a small, sharp nose and voluptuous lips. His complexion may be pasty, his body skinny and yet pudgy at the same time but he’s handsome in his own way. His short bright copper hair, which he always styled as neatly and simple as possible with pomade, attracted a lot of attention – sometimes unwanted attention – during the rare times Brendol had allowed him to leave their house in Arkanis.

“…of course, you shouldn’t settle with men of a lower class than you are. You have to get a husband who is as rich as we are or richer than we are…”

Armitage finishes placing his father’s folded clothes into the drawer. He’s only half-listening to the man. He’s obviously lying through his teeth or he has an ulterior motive.

_He means to get rid of me…_

“Good evening, gentlemen,” a male voice calls from outside. He knocked gently, and said, “Mister Snoke would like to invite you both down for dinner.” It was probably another one of Snoke’s peculiarly quiet servants. Snoke has three young red-haired servants who seldom talk and who looked exhausted all the time but Armitage understands that anyone can become worn-out with taking care of an old man and his huge mansion.  

Snoke has had a banquet prepared for them. Brendol was salivating on his way to the dining room, smelling the food alone. Respectfully, Armitage thanks their host for their dinner before they started eating in silence.

“I hope that you’re both well-rested by now because tomorrow, we shall go to the mayor’s house,” Snoke said, “Missis Solo is a headstrong woman and Mister Solo is a charming man, they shall like you, I think…”

Brendol, his mouth stuffed with chicken and gravy, looked up at Snoke for the first time since he’s touched Snoke’s golden cutlery. His eyes were wide as saucers.

“…but I have to tell you, you should be cautious around their son, Ben Solo.”

“Their son?” Brendol parroted, sounding completely confused. Armitage could nearly hear him sneer in his voice.

“The boy has had a rather scandalous history.”

“Ah, what do you mean?”

“Well,” Snoke shrugged, hesitant, his mouth a thin line. “He once ran away from home about eight years ago, which broke the hearts of his parents of course. Nobody really knew where he went and what he did but the loudest rumor was that he left home to join a cult and practice black magic.”

“Bloody hell…”

A cult? Black magic? Armitage cringed in his seat, bowing his head to hide his discomfort from the two older men who continued to converse. These are things he’s only read about in Arkanis. He never would have thought that he would possibly meet someone who joined a cult, or someone who possibly knows black magic. Or both. These were simply rumors, of course, but all rumors have a basis of truth, and Snoke wouldn’t lie to them.

“Three years ago, he came back after disappearing without a trace for five years,” Snoke said, “without a word explaining why he left and where he went to. Ben was once a nice boy, but I am certain that he’s changed after running away from his family for whatever reason. Believe me, Brendol, it’s better for you and your son to be careful in interacting with him. He’s a troubled one, that Solo boy.”

Armitage didn’t participate in his father’s and Snoke’s conversation as they spoke with one another about the Solo family, but he did listen to them. Leia Organa is said to be a headstrong woman. She’s smart, strong-willed and educated. Snoke respects her as their mayor. Brendol, on the other hand, wasn’t so impressed. Her husband, Han Solo, is unemployed. He was from Corellia, a town that is well-known for being filled with vagabonds, criminals and so on.  Brendol looked even more aghast and skeptical to meet the family after hearing that.  
  


* * *

  
True to his words, Snoke brought the Huxes to the mansion of the Solo family after they had breakfasted the next day. Brendol was not too excited to meet the family but he knew that they had to show up as a courtesy. Armitage wasn’t able to count how many times his father reminded him to be both respectable and respectful. Brendol always worries that his son would embarrass him whenever he has to socialise. There isn't a reason for him to worry though. Although Armitage had been trapped indoors since he was a boy, he learned to socialise with people through his teachers. Brendol’s wife, Maratelle, made sure that he's groomed into a perfect gentleman growing up. Armitage can act as sociable and amicable as he is needed to be, even when he still feels anxious whenever he has to face new people.

The Solo’s house was huge, as expected of people of their status. It’s almost of the same size as Snoke’s. However, their house was more welcoming than that of Snoke’s, which was comparable to an old, abandoned castle from the outside.

A slim and tall middle-aged man, who Armitage assumes to be the butler, welcomed them. He’s got a pleasing smile but his voice trembled whenever he spoke - or stammered - and his fingers were jittery all the while he led them into the living room where an older woman sat alone on a couch, brows knitted and eyes completely focused while she read a book. The butler greeted her as ‘Madam’ as they entered the room. He addressed her reverently as though he were talking to someone of royal heritage.

“Good morning,” the woman greeted them, standing from the couch. She’s rather beautiful and regal with her greying brown hair tied in two buns. Her brown eyes are warm, friendly, sharp and wise. She stood from the couch – she’s smaller than Armitage had imagined – and approached them.

“Good morning, Mayor,” said Snoke. “This is Brendol Hux and his son, Armitage Hux, the pair of gentlemen from Arkanis who I took under my wings. Gentlemen, this is Mayor Leia Organa-Solo.”

“Pleased to meet you, Mayor Solo,” Brendol said, all smiles and pleasantries. And all of a sudden, he’s a different person – charming, amicable and kind.

Armitage did not miss Leia’s slight raise of eyebrows as his father addressed her.

“Likewise, Mister Hux, please, call me Mayor Organa, and I believe this handsome young man is Armitage?”

Armitage smiled, squaring his too-narrow shoulders as he folds his arms behind him. He nodded his head then expressed his gratitude for her giving Snoke the permission to let them into their town.

Leia invited them to sit, telling the butler to call for Han and Ben and asking to have tea and biscuits served for their guests. Brendol spoke to Leia, recounting their experiences in escaping Arkanis being torn apart. Armitage recognized that he exaggerated with his story, making it sound as though it left them both terribly scarred when in fact Brendol was extremely calm while they were evacuating. Leia listened intently, sometimes nodding her head. Sometimes, Armitage would catch her glancing towards him then towards Brendol then towards Snoke. Soon enough, Han Solo and their son joined in. Han Solo is a loud but suave, charming man. He’s someone people of Arkanis would sneer at. He’s also handsome despite his old age, Armitage could imagine him being able to steal all the hearts of both men and women of Corellia.

“Ben, how about you and Armitage leave us old geezers and your mother to talk, yeah?”

“All right,” Ben answered. He appeared in the room the same time as his father did but remained quiet and did not draw any attention to himself.

Ben Solo was an enigma. Armitage had to admit that he’s almost what he imagined the young man to be – well, except the fact that he’s absolutely gorgeous. Armitage couldn’t take his eyes off of him. He has his mother’s large, circular light brown eyes and his father’s narrow face and pointed nose. Physically, his attributes are a complete marriage between his parent’s attributes. There’s a dark, ominous aura that surrounded Ben which made Armitage nervous but unable to deny what Han Solo told them, played along; letting himself be led into the room adjacent to the living room.

Once they were alone, the pair stood awkwardly silent. Armitage kept glancing at Ben from time to time and the younger man looked uninterested and apprehensive.

Armitage cleared his throat, “You have a lovely home.”

“Not mine. It’s my parents’ house. I just happen to live in it.”

“Ah,” Armitage muttered, crossing his arms to his chest. Obviously, Ben isn’t in any mood for small talk. He cleared his throat, wanting to hide the fact that he’s feeling utterly embarrassed that he opened his big mouth.

Armitage fidgeted, feeling the awkwardness and heaviness of silence weighing uncomfortably over his shoulders.

“Listen,” Ben snapped, glaring intently at him, “I know why you and your father are here.”

“Excuse me?”

“Your sycophantic father will _not_ use my parents to do whatever and provide you both with what you need. I understand that that’s what you want to do with Mister Snoke. Suck his friendship dry and –”

Armitage raised both eyebrows, not knowing what Ben was talking about and where it came from. Well, maybe this is true, maybe his father was indeed eager to meet Leia and Han Solo in order to get their friendship and use this friendship with them for his own gain.

“ _How dare you_?” Armitage hissed, stomping towards Ben’s nonchalant yet threatening figure. How can he be relaxed but still exude something sinister?

“I heard of your father’s history of manipulating people with sheer charm. Was he not a swindler before he entered the Arkanis army? He was lucky enough to be born from a rich family that he didn’t have to face the consequences of his petty crimes when he was young...”

“I don’t know where you got these ridiculous rumors from, but you are not the only one who’s done some _listening_ , Mister Ben Solo.”

“Rumors?” Ben snorted, “I believe these are not mere _rumors_.”

“Ah, just like, perhaps, your running away from your home to learn black magic?”

Almost instantly, Ben’s expression darkened at Armitage’s mention of ‘black magic’. He glared at him, looking like he’s prepared to silence him by force. However, Armitage wasn’t afraid of him. He did not step back or cower, instead, he held Ben’s gaze. Ben’s eyes were the color of rich, dark honey.

“Careful, Mister Armitage Hux,” Ben said, his voice husky, “You’ve no idea what you are getting yourself into. That rumor, wherever you heard it from, is false. Yes, I did run away. But you have to remember that my mother is a powerful woman and she has several political enemies spreading nasty rumors about us all the time. I had my reasons for running away but it’s my choice, as well as my parents’, to not disclose such a personal matter to the public. But if you so want to know, I was in a lot of pressure, that’s why I ran away. Of course, I wouldn’t expect a _spoiled_ Arkanisian _wet rat_ such as yourself to understand what it’s like to have your life in constant scrutiny.”

 _A life in constant scrutiny._ That struck Armitage more than any other of Ben’s words to him. Armitage was very much aware of the extravagant and lavish lifestyle the people of Arkanis had but he’s never heard of what other people thought about them. Although he knows that generalizations couldn’t be avoided, he doesn’t appreciate Ben making assumptions about him. He isn’t like them. Not at all. Blood rushed to his cheeks but before he could screech like an awfully angry banshee and lash out, he was - _thankfully_ \- interrupted by the butler.

“Excuse me, Mister Ben, Mister Armitage. I am here to serve your tea and biscuits.”

“Well, I hope it’s good enough for Mister Hux here,” Ben sneered, “We all know Arkanisians have too high standards and impossibly impeccable tastes.”

Armitage and Ben didn’t converse after that and Armitage waited impatiently and furiously until it was time to leave the Solo’s house. A scowl painted his face, as he meant to make it apparent to Ben that he didn’t appreciate his comments and that he found his company abysmal, to say the least. Much to Armitage’s utter annoyance, Ben didn’t mind him and acted as though he was not there at all. Shameful as it was, Armitage found Ben’s disregard for him was more insulting than the comments he had spoken.

Brendol asked him what they talked about when they were alone. Armitage, knowing his father wouldn’t like Armitage talking back to the mayor’s son even when the man has a questionable past, decided not to tell his father that he lost his temper while conversing with Ben. Brendol would have preferred it if Armitage developed a neutral rapport with him before distancing himself completely from him.

Although Armitage wanted nothing more than to avoid seeing Ben Solo again, it was inevitable. Whenever Snoke would bring them to meet with several prominent people in Chandrila, Ben is somehow around the premises. When they went to meet Doctor Luke Skywalker and his daughter, Rey, Ben was there because he’s visiting his cousin. When they went to meet the Damerons, Shara and Kes, who were the owners of the biggest plantation in Chandrila. Ben was also there because, apparently, he was a very close friend of their son, Poe Dameron.

Ben would always ignore his presence whenever he bumps into them, not once raising his eyes to where Armitage stood. The first time Armitage bumps into him, he begrudgingly swallowed his pride. The redhead tried to be friendly and put whatever unpleasant emotions they had from before past them, but Ben made it clear that he didn’t want to reciprocate this approach. Although Armitage would catch him glancing at his direction from time to time, while pouting and biting his lower lip as if he means to say something. Ben never spoke to him even when he looked like he wanted to. So, whenever they see each other out of sheer bad luck, Armitage ignores him too. He despises Ben Solo more with every second of his disregard of him. It would have been easy to hate the young fool if he weren’t so unfairly good-looking.

Chandrila is an old-fashioned, quiet and ordinary town. Well, that was what he was able to observe in the limited time he's not crammed inside Snoke’s mansion. It’s very much different from Arkanis. The weather itself is different since Arkanis had always been cold, damp, rainy and gloomy, while Chandrila is cool yet sunny and bright. The houses and structures are all plain, simple and practical - except those of Snoke’s and the mayor’s houses but those still do not compare to the extravagance of Arkanisian architecture, although Armitage is certain that the coup that transpired had already left Arkanis in ruins.

Armitage wanted to roam around the town, this supposed new home for him, in order to learn more about the town but Brendol only cared about is meeting more and more people.

Within only four days, Brendol was able to make several connections and was able to find suitors for his son. Young bachelors soon began visiting and Armitage would try his best to entertain them, despite not wanting to. His father never forgets to remind him of that he’s doomed to a future of solitude and loneliness if he does not find a husband soon enough. Armitage understands that Brendol is just after the damned marriage settlement in all of this and also to finally get rid of him once and for all. The older Armitage becomes, the more difficult it was to marry him off to some random gentleman. Brendol was becoming more and more desperate. At the end of the day, he wasn’t able to find a single man that piqued his interest.

The next day, Armitage received an anonymous gift. Or set of gifts to be more specific. He was sent several bouquets of different flowers. He doesn’t know if these were given to him by one or more suitors whose names Armitage couldn’t be bothered to remember but it was too grand a gesture for Armitage not to feel flattered even the slightest. He’s never received any gift before. Brendol had been pleased (and shocked - _really shocked_ )  to see someone has taken a liking to his son, although he was irritated that the suitors wanted to be anonymous.

“We’re being invited to a ball the day after tomorrow,” Brendol said while they were eating dinner, “I bumped into Mister Solo yesterday and he told me that they shall be holding a ball to welcome us. Here,” he handed Armitage an envelope, “this is a letter for you from the woman herself.”

 _The woman_ , meaning Leia Organa. Brendol wouldn’t say it out loud but he’s completely disgusted to have a woman as a mayor.

Armitage took the letter his father was handing him, opening it and reading its contents in silence. He could feel his father’s eyes on him while he read.

“What does it say?” It was Snoke who spoke this time.

“The mayor said she wanted to make us feel welcome and that she wanted to apologize for how her son behaved from before,” _and said Ben wanted to show his sincerest apology by holding this ball for them._ Armitage couldn’t bring himself to say the latter. He, himself, couldn’t believe what he read.

That night, he read the letter five more times before going to bed, still uncertain if he were just imagining the words written on it or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to my beta [fandomfix8](http://fandomfix8.tumblr.com/)! You have been so amazing and supportive!  
> My artist is the ever so amazing [sirinstree](https://twitter.com/sirinstree/) whose lovely art took my breath away and inspired me to push and work harder.  
> You can find me [here](https://mademoisellebianx.tumblr.com/) on tumblr.


	2. See No Evil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Armitage learns that Ben isn't as bad as he thought he was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The period-typical homophobia and shitty parenthood is strong in this chapter, please be careful.

At the night of the party, Snoke didn’t forget to remind Armitage to be wary of Ben. Brendol instructed or suggested that he wears a gown for the occasion. He claimed that it is to ‘attract’ more male attention to him, but Armitage knows far too well that his father also means to mock him for being who he is. Years ago, Brendol had forced him to wear dresses and gowns in Arkanis. People laughed at him and mocked him for it because it was not natural for a boy to wear a girl’s clothing, wasn’t it? Brendol always thought Armitage learned to associate gowns to punishment, but Armitage never did. He always found wearing gowns and dresses as liberating but he never told Brendol that. It was always satisfying to see his father’s disappointment whenever Armitage looked unnerved by his punishment.

Snoke went on ahead as he and Brendol were preparing. As soon as he’s finished, Brendol kept commenting about the Solo family while Armitage finished up changing. Armitage downed every single word his father uttered.

On their ride there, Brendol also reminded Armitage of Snoke’s warning about Ben. It was repetitive enough to send Armitage to sleep but he didn’t allow himself to doze off to his father’s long soliloquy. Moments later - but moments not soon enough - they arrived to the mayor’s house. The butler welcomed them and lead them to the ballroom.

The ballroom was spacious, dimly lit by candles and candelabrum. Armitage took note that the flowers used as decorations that hang from the ceiling are all fresh. Upbeat music is being played by an ensemble of hired musicians. Armitage could not recognize which piece of music it was that was being played, perhaps it's an original piece. The area was radiating with an infectious euphoria that Armitage felt the corners of his mouth moving upwards into a smile. He did not recognize anyone in the room except for those who had greeted them and welcomed them in.

Brendol wasted no time to go around and make acquaintances, leaving Armitage alone as he smiled and shook hands with strangers. Brendol could be charming and friendly in front of many, especially to those whom he knew are powerful and influential and rich. People might not have seen him at his worst; well, except Armitage, who’s seen him red-faced with anger as he huffed and puffed like an enormous walrus.

Being left alone by his father was never a problem for Armitage, it was not a rare occurrence; but being left alone in a rather populated area mostly filled with people he didn’t know was a challenge. Perhaps, he should try looking for Ben Solo then try to apologize for how he acted the last time they saw each other; Leia said the young man was apologetic himself and wanted to make amends, hence, all of this. Maybe she’s lying. Maybe Leia was the one apologetic for how her son acted and was simply making Ben look better than he was.

It did not take long for Armitage to find Ben. Even though he was simply leaning against the wall, Ben was easy to spot because for one, he was very tall and also, he was the type of man who could attract someone’s attention no matter how hard he tried not to because he’s handsome but not in the way that would make people notice the ethereal beauty he possessed right away. It’s more like something that slowly creeps into one’s thoughts the longer they look at him.

Their eyes met the moment Ben turned his eyes towards Armitage’s direction as though he felt him staring at him and making his way towards him.

“Good evening, Mister Ben Organa,” Armitage greeted the raven-haired young man who was preoccupied trying to be invisible as he stayed on one corner of the room, alone and simply sipping red wine.

Armitage smiled pleasantly at him even when Ben didn’t reciprocate his pleasantries and instead, just gave him a deadpan stare. The younger man looked as aloof and bored as he did when Armitage first saw him. Armitage would admit, however, that he looked more handsome than he did the first time they met with his once disheveled dark hair tied in a neat braid that has his rather comically large ears exposed. Armitage could see his face better this way.

“I wish to express my gratitude,” Armitage said, “Your family organized such a lovely ball to welcome my father and I into your town. The mayor mentioned that it was your idea…?”

The tips of Ben’s ears turned bright pink. Was Armitage not supposed to mention that?

“I do regret that our first meeting had been rather…unpleasant,” Armitage spoke hesitantly, unable to read the expression on Ben’s face. Maybe he is babbling too much? He cleared his throat, “Perhaps, we could start over?” Armitage’s voice was soft and sincere because he did want to get along with the mayor’s son, not because his father wanted him to, but he is interested in Ben and he wanted to get to know him. He extended his arm towards the mayor’s son, a gesture of friendship; looking into those rich brown eyes, feeling himself be pulled into that intense gaze, and –

“Yes. I agree.”

Armitage only managed to tear his eyes away from Ben’s stare when he felt Ben’s strong grip around his cold, sweaty hand.

“Please, forgive my rudeness and prejudice a few days ago, Mister Armitage Hux, as well as the days that followed. There is no excuse for my words and behavior. I shouldn’t have judged you too harshly before I could have the opportunity to get to know you,” Ben’s once passive expression softens to a warm smile. It was a homely, welcoming smile that Armitage decided that he found really charming. He looked younger when he smiled. “I am grateful, however, that you’re giving me a chance to get to know you, even after calling you a wet rat and whatnot. I was a complete asshole. You’re too kind.”

 _I certainly am not_ , Armitage thought to himself. His stepmother, Maratelle, had accused him of being a heartless, ungrateful boy whenever he dared to talk back. The woman hated him. Armitage should not hold it against her but he did, he does. Perhaps, she was constantly reminded of her husband’s infidelity whenever she looked at him but that did not give her the right to treat him harshly, especially since she was present whenever Brendol insulted him, whenever he hurt him. Armitage is glad that she’s dead. He’s especially glad to have seen her taking the last shuddering breath of her life when an incurable and unknown illness took her to the grave. Sometimes, he wishes that he poisoned the bitch himself and killed her before her illness did. No, he isn’t a kind young man...

Nevertheless, despite disagreeing with Ben’s last comment, Armitage nodded his head and said, “You were not the only one who’s entirely to be blamed, Mister Solo, I’ve acted petulantly myself…”

“Ah, yes, you did,” Ben chuckled, voice low.

Armitage pretended that he didn’t hear him, thinking that Ben was probably jesting.

“I would also like to correct you with how you addressed me and my family. People tend to assume that my mother and I use my father’s name ‘Solo’, when in fact, we use ‘Organa’ as our family name. It’s a common mistake, don’t fret, but please do call me ‘Mister Ben’. ‘Mister Organa’ is my father.”

If Brendol were present now and able to hear that, he would have been flabbergasted. A man taking his wife’s name is unheard of in Arkanis. Armitage thought it was not something to be frowned upon - if a man wanted to take his wife or husband’s name and if a woman wanted to take her husband’s or wife’s name, that’s their business and nobody else’s.

“Ah, I see.”

“Do I call you ‘Mister Hux’ or ‘Mister Armitage’?”

Armitage scowled at the mere mention of his name – he could not help it. He wanted to like his name, since it was the name his mother had given him but he couldn’t, especially when Brendol had always pronounced it in such a bitter and hateful way. His name should be something precious to him, something to remind him that he had a mother, who possibly loved him more than she did herself, but his father had to ruin it for him.

“Hux,” he answered, softly, distantly. “Call me ‘Mister Hux’…”

Silence passed between the pair. Armitage did not know what else to talk about with Ben. He’s never tried forming any sort of friendly connection to anyone before. Having a diplomatic and pleasant conversation and exchanging small talk with his father’s business partners and friends were all the socialization he was able to have. Brendol did not let him talk to anyone he knew for a long while because he was too certain that his bastard son would embarrass him no matter what.

“May I add that you look absolutely handsome tonight, Mister Hux?” Ben said, although he looked away from Armitage; his attention on the dance floor, at the lovely people merrily dancing there.

“Thank you,” politely, the redhead beamed a wide smile at him. Armitage did not shy away from Ben’s compliment. He knew he looked good, in fact, he made sure he did. He wore the best gown in his possessions - the one that is gold and black, with silk, puff sleeves and lace. However, the way Ben said it caught him by surprise; he said it without an ounce of sarcasm or an ounce of mischief or malice even – the way other people had once complimented him whenever his father ‘punished’ him. Ben sincerely thought he looked handsome tonight. Armitage felt his cheeks burn and to hide his surprise, he spoke up, “I could say the same to you, Mister Ben.”

Slowly, Ben reached down and towards his hand. He was hesitant at first, shyly letting his fingers ghost against Armitage’s before closing his hand in his. His hand was enormous, Armitage noticed. It made his own feel small. Curiously, Armitage watched as the dark-haired young man raised his hand to his lips. His soft and voluptuous lips pressed shyly (perhaps, a little too shy as the sensation felt similar to the feeling of a butterfly landing on one’s hand instead of a proper kiss) against the back of Armitage’s hand. It’s as if Ben was unsure, hesitant and insecure of his own actions. The small kiss wasn’t unwelcomed to Armitage; in fact, he could even permit himself to actually enjoy it.

Ben raised his eyes and once again, Armitage was drawn towards him like a moth to a flame. It’s as if Ben’s presence gives off a magnetic pull, a strong force like gravity that he could not ignore or avoid as he’s yanked closer and closer towards him. Blood rushed towards Armitage’s face. He could imagine how he looked now - red as a beet, and humiliatingly pathetic and helpless as he trembled like a leaf caught in a storm. He prayed that his father would not see him in such a state.

“Could I invite you to - ?”

“Armitage, there you are.”

Ben abruptly let go of Armitage’s hand as though it was a boiling kettle. He recognized that voice, maybe even faster than Armitage did. Strangely, the confident front Ben had immediately crumbled before the redhead’s eyes as Snoke approached them. He watched as the raven-haired man’s lower lip trembled, as his squared broad shoulders slackened, as the sparkle and gleam in his bright hazel eyes darken.

“To what, Mister Ben?” Armitage inquired, hating how hopeful he sounded. He’s almost determined to fully ignore his and his father’s benefactor but the older man grabbed for his wrist and forcefully pulled him away from the mayor’s son. Ben took a few steps back, away from them and capitulating without putting up a single fight. Armitage winced; Snoke’s grip around his wrist was tight enough to actually hurt and would most probably bruise the next day.

“Did I not warn you to stay away from the Organa boy, Armitage?” the older man hissed in a hushed voice as soon as they were a distance away from Ben where their voices are inaudible.

“He’s been nothing but very pleasant towards me tonight, Sir…” Armitage explained. He wanted to pull his hand from Snoke’s grasp but Snoke was pulling him onto the dance floor and placing Armitage’s free hand on his shoulder before holding him by the waist.

“I told you that young Ben is troubled,” Snoke explained, tone patient and almost sad; loosening his hold on Armitage’s wrist as they swayed along with the slow music being played.

“Perhaps, he’s changed?” Armitage kept his eyes lowered. He didn’t want to look at the old man’s scarred face, his frighteningly sharp ice blue eyes.

“Yes, perhaps, but,” Snoke spun Armitage, “one could never be too careful, young Hux. Although Chandrila is indeed a safe haven, danger lurks anywhere and may be in the form of someone as handsome and as intriguing as the mayor’s son.”

It’s no use to deny that he does find Ben as Snoke described him.

Armitage turned to look at where they had left the raven-haired man and found him rooted in the same spot. He’s watching them intently.

“You understand that I simply want to keep you safe, Armitage, right?”

“Yes, I understand,” was simply an automatic response; something that was uncontrollable and also something he need not think about.

 _Safe_. The throbbing pain around his wrist, the bristling feeling on his skin and the quickening of his pulse do not make him feel safe. When he was a boy, Brendol had always told him that it was for his own good whenever he hit him, whenever he humiliated him and berated him for being so weak, so soft…just like how Snoke was telling him that he’s only keeping him away from Ben for his safety, for his own good.

Ben was still staring at him.

Armitage blinked.

No, he wasn’t just staring, he was mouthing something too.

What was he saying? What was he telling him?

Snoke did not seem to notice Armitage staring back at Ben, he was speaking but Armitage could not, well, would not listen to him. His words became incomprehensible, muffled while the redhead focused on the words Ben was trying to tell him from afar.

“Mister Snoke, there you are!”

“Edrison, it’s been so long! Have you met Mister Hux’s son, Armitage?”

‘Follow me,’ that was what Ben was trying to tell him. Armitage’s eyes widened, piqued yet hesitant. Even from that distance, Ben was still able to recognize these in his face; smirking smugly as though he knew somehow which among the two emotions was more dominant than the other. He set the empty wine glass on the table nearest him and began walking away.

“Yes, pleased to make your acquaintance,” Armitage said, hurriedly, not even making eye contact to whoever it was who Snoke was introducing to him, didn’t even know how many people were standing beside Snoke. “Excuse me,” he mumbled; collecting the skirts of his gown as he decided to do just what Ben Solo asked him to - followed him out of the room.

It was not impossible for Armitage to dart out of the wide ballroom unnoticed, especially when most of the people present in the celebration did not know him (even though the party was dedicated to welcoming him and his father into the town). Ben headed out of the room; greeting whoever noticed him pass by and casually looked above his shoulder to make sure Armitage was able to follow him.

“I figured that you might want to have some fresh air,” Ben said as soon as the redhead had caught up to him. He placed a gentle hand on Armitage’s waist; guiding him along as they exited the house through the back door. Ben has led him into their rather vast garden. “My mother would kill me if she finds out I stole one of our esteemed celebrants but I believe that you would rather take a stroll with me in our garden than be dragged around the hall, being introduced to people whose names you would not care to remember.”

“Bold of you to assume that I would rather spend my time with you than with Mister Snoke’s friends, Mister Ben.” Armitage crossed his arms to his chest, shivering at the passing gust of wind but reveling in the soothing sound of the leaves rustling with the wind. It was a pity that it’s too dark to admire the trees and the flowers he and the mayor’s son passed by as they walked.

“Well, would you rather spend time with them or me? Pray tell, Mister Hux.”

“That’s a rather difficult question to answer...”

Ben glanced at him, scowling, looking absolutely child-like as he pouted. Armitage forgot that Ben Organa is five years younger than he is. It was not hard to, especially with the young man’s constant brooding expression and jaded yet expressive brown eyes. Armitage chuckled; reaching for him to give his arm a small, reassuring squeeze as he told him, “I jest, my good Sir. I have to admit, your company is much appreciated and it’s nice to have a change of venue because I do dislike crowds…”

The color that rose in Ben’s face was obviously from the orange coloring from the lamp that lit the area, not from the blood rushing to his cheeks, because that’s ridiculous.

“How are you finding Chandrila so far?” Ben asked.

“I…” Armitage paused, unable to enunciate a proper answer. He didn’t have the time yet to fully explore the town. Brendol had him crammed in Snoke’s house, refusing to let him leave alone as though he’s still a child in need of supervision. He cleared his throat, embarrassed that he did not have any answer to the gentleman's question.

“Do you like it here?”

“It’s different from where I was from.”

“How so?”

How so? He couldn’t help but echo Ben’s question in his head. He feels safer here in Chandrila; safer in the sense that he no longer wakes up every night from the sound of gunshots and bombs. Also, he felt more liberated because, so far, he’s noticed that the townspeople of Chandrila do not judge as harshly as the utterly conservative people of Arkanis. Or maybe that was because of the fact that he and Brendol are almost complete strangers to them. However, he’s still under Brendol’s constant scrutiny so he isn’t as safe and as free as he wanted to be.

“Here, I can appreciate the sun’s warmth,” Armitage simply muttered. He meant to say more but when he opened his mouth and at the corner of his eye, he could see Ben staring at him, sincerely waiting for him to speak. Armitage brushed any more words he was about to say and left it at that. Wanting to change the topic, Armitage asked, “Have you lived here all your life?”

“Yes, since I was born.”

“So, you could say that you know this place like the back of your hand, Mister Ben?”

“Of course,” Ben replied, smug again. He looked like his father when he smirked like this - lopsided grin wide enough to expose crooked teeth. “To prove it, I can give you a tour around town.”

The foreign young bachelor shrouded with as much enigma as the land he was from and the town mayor’s scandalous and notorious son, alone together. Brendol and Snoke would not allow that. “Perfect,” Armitage answered, smiling wickedly.

They didn’t speak with each other for a while as they walked deeper into the garden. The howling of the wind, the rustling of the leaves, the muffled music being played inside the Organa residence, along with Ben’s soft humming of another song unknown to Armitage the only sound that passed into Armitage’s ear.

“Back there…” Ben started, breaking the silence that had fallen over them. “...before your ancient benefactor interrupted us, I meant to invite you to dance.”

“What’s stopping you from doing it right now?”

After hearing himself, the redhead was mortified. Armitage did not mean to speak his thoughts out loud like that. Only a few days has passed after their first meeting and he’s already warming up to the damned heathen. It’s too fast for this…but he’s completely and utterly smitten (there is no use denying that), it’s almost disgusting and shameful.

“Nothing,” Ben replied, solemnly, “Nothing is stopping me, Mister Hux.”

Armitage watched as Ben’s smile widened. He couldn't take his eyes off of his face, although he should be looking at the hand that he's offering him.

“May I have this dance with you?” The way Ben Organa asked him was almost similar to the way men spoke as they ask someone to marry them, the only thing missing was him going down on one knee. There is sincerity in the younger man’s face - sincerity that Armitage has never seen before when he was at Arkanis, sincerity that he’s only seen here on the residents of Chandrila.

How can Armitage say ‘no’ to him? “It would be an honor, Mister Ben.”

Without hesitation, Armitage offered Ben his hand and Ben took it in his, running his thumb against the back of the redhead’s hand as if muttering a promise to him. They danced along with the distant music from Ben Organa’s house; hand in hand and chest to chest, with only the stars and moon above, and the trees and flowers around them as witness.

 

* * *

  
Armitage insisted that they return to the house, since he’s figured that Snoke might be looking for him, especially since he left his so-called benefactor and his friends without a proper reason. Knowing his father, Brendol didn’t even notice that he left. He didn’t know how long he and Ben had been dancing outside but he was certain it was long enough for people to notice. They didn’t talk, which was usually awkward and humiliating for Armitage. Brendol had taught him always keep a conversation with one’s companion going. He never appreciated silence. To him, silence meant disinterest, boredom, contempt. Armitage didn’t believe in that, because he found peace and comfort in silence. With Ben, however, it wasn’t the case. Ben acknowledged the beauty of silence. Ben was already satisfied with his presence and was completely comfortable with the silence between them.

The party was the same as it was when they left it - with lively dancing and loud chatter. Leia Organa and Han Solo were preoccupied on the dance floor, dancing hand in hand and looking blissfully in love. Han was whispering something to Leia and Leia would laugh, shake her head as though she did not approve of whatever joke he made but still grinned widely as she looked back at him, looking younger than she was. It was a sight that Armitage has never seen before, the way the couple look at each other; smiles beaming and eyes gleaming with an adoration that Armitage was certain to be eternal like the stars. Did his father and his mother (not Maratelle but his birth mother) ever have moments like that when they were young? An ache he had not felt in years began spreading in his chest, constricting his lungs and all of a sudden, breathing became difficult.

“Mister Hux.”

An arm snaked around Armitage’s waist, grip strong and firm. Armitage jolted; quickly turning to whoever it was who was holding him and found Ben’s familiar countenance. Ben looked at him, brows knitted in an expression that was undoubtedly of concern.

Before Armitage could find the right words to say, his mind went completely blank when he heard the blood-curdling voice of his father, “Armitage.”

Brendol didn’t scream at him in public. He never let the calm and collected demeanor he used as a public facade crumble in fear of exposing his true self to other people and losing their good opinion of him. Arkanisians frown upon seeing a father mistreat his son, but they tend to not meddle in familial and personal issues. Brendol was able to be stern to Armitage in public then but he always kept his cool (at home, away from the public eye, however, Brendol was different). Chandrilans could be different with those familial and personal issues and so Brendol was more careful. That tone of voice from his father meant that Armitage should prepare himself for what was to come once they are no longer under public scrutiny. All of a sudden, Armitage was a quivering skinny little boy again.

“F-Father,” Armitage pulled himself from Ben’s grip, which was suddenly not as strong as it was before Brendol had approached them. He must have noticed Armitage’s distress as Brendol approached them. Straight-faced and seemingly calm on the outside, Armitage grasped for the right words but his father stared icily at him; his eyes seething with disappointment, shame and rage that bored into him that any word that Armitage was meant to say disappeared at the tip of his tongue.

“I’ve been looking for you. Snoke told me you left before he could introduce you to his friends,” Brendol said. He glanced towards Ben, who stood behind Armitage like a shadow, and grinned at him. “Good evening, young Solo.”

Ben didn’t respond.

“We are grateful for all your family’s trouble, but unfortunately, we have to go. I have already spoken my goodbyes to your parents,” Brendol continued. Armitage didn’t miss that slight eye twitch from his father. He’s insulted by Ben’s silence and his insolence. “This has been splendid. Very splendid, indeed. Come along, Armitage. Snoke will follow us home shortly.” With that, he grabbed Armitage by his forearm and yanked him towards him without any finesse. Armitage stumbled but was nonetheless able to stop himself from falling flat on his face. He was too busy keeping himself from tripping that he didn’t notice how hard his father was gripping his forearm as he dragged him all the way out.

The carriage ride back to Snoke’s residence was uncomfortable, to put it lightly. Brendol let the heavy silence gnaw into Armitage; knowing full well how the anticipation of what was to come tortured his son more than anything. He didn’t even give Armitage the luxury of seeing him look at him.

Armitage squirmed on his seat, once in a while glancing at his father. The tension hung heavy over his slender shoulders. The excitement of having disobeyed his despicable father, as well as having reconciled with the handsome Ben Organa, still made his heart thrum with glee but he was certain it’ll be short lived and his father would beat it out of him as soon as they get to their destination.

“Out, boy,” Brendol spat heatedly as soon as the carriage stops. Armitage hurried to do as his father said, being overwhelmed by the fear he felt as a child whenever his father raised his voice at him. “Change out of that ridiculous, girlish outfit. I cannot stand looking at you any more than a second in that thing. Then come to the study so we can discuss your utter disrespect for me and our benefactor.”

“Yes, sir,” Armitage’s response was automatic. With trembling hands, he gathered the skirt of his gown and walked briskly into Snoke’s manor. His father followed behind him, glaring daggers towards his direction. Armitage is certain that if looks could kill, he would have been murdered by his father right this moment.

Armitage knows what’s to come next. Although he’s used to his father’s terrible treatment of him, he hasn’t become numb yet of the pain that follows. Perhaps, he’ll never get used to the hurt, to the fear or to the anger. He’s always able to bury it deep inside him but that’s all he’s ever done to his emotions. Buried them in heaps for years now, without any means or outlet of letting any of them out.

Armitage changes out of his ‘ridiculous’ and ‘girlish’ outfit. He still thinks it amusing that Brendol thought making him wear such a thing would mortify him when it was Brendol himself who was mortified. Once he was dressed in a simple white shirt and brown trousers, he made his way to the study room; biting and chewing at his lower lip on his way.

“Does disregarding our advice give you some sort of sick gratification, boy!” Brendol said, not even waiting for his son to fully enter the room. “Did we not tell you to stay away from Ben Solo!”

Immediately, when Armitage looked up, he was greeted by Brendol’s unpleasant and scowling countenance. The man had been pacing, given that his hands were behind him and since that’s what he does whenever he’s enraged. Armitage never liked pacing back and forth in a tiny space, it’s a waste of energy and it certainly makes one look foolish. Like Brendol.

“I thought it would be better for us if I would be close to him instead of antagonizing him,” Armitage reasoned. He was biting down his tongue; wanting to smart-talk his father and tell him that he was supposed to stay away from Ben Solo not Ben Organa but he stopped himself, not wanting to be hit too early into the argument. “His family is the most influential one here and establishing a friendship with at least one of them would do us good.”

“Friendship?! I expect you to find a proper husband, Armitage! Do you take me for a fool? I saw how you looked at him, harlot, you wanted him,” Brendol said. The insult didn’t hurt Armitage, not because he wholeheartedly believes that he isn’t a harlot but because he was used to insults like that. His father has called Armitage worse names before and although it still hurt, it doesn’t shocked him whenever they’re thrown at him.

What took Armitage by surprise was Brendol’s observation of him. Armitage wanted Ben. It’s true, he does want him. Perhaps, he wanted him the first time he laid eyes on him and that’s why he never became interested in any of the young bachelors that Brendol brought into the house for him to meet. But Armitage never would have thought that it was that obvious! He’s schooled his expression to be as unreadable as possible, especially to his father.

“You heard what Snoke said about him. Do you want to associate yourself to someone like him? Do you want a boy with a temper who ran away from home to join a cult and practice dark magic to be your husband?”

“Mister Ben may have had a troubled past - and I say ‘may’ because we have yet to discover if the things Snoke shared to us are true or are simply idle rumors - but he’s a good man, Father, I saw and felt it tonight!”

Nostrils flaring and face reddening, Brendol glared at Armitage. Unlike Armitage, his father doesn't know how to control his facial expressions. “You will not talk to him again, Armitage. Am I clear?”

“No.”

Armitage felt his father’s palm against his cheek before he could even process the fact that he had just stood up to his father for the first time in years. Tears gathered in his eyes as he feels his cheek throbbing painfully while his ears rang with the echoes of his father’s slap.

“You will not see him or talk to him again, boy,” his father spat. Brendol’s voice was slightly muted by the blood still rushing in Armitage’s ears. “Do you fucking hear me?!”

“I’m seeing him again, father,” Armitage answered, “and there is nothing you can say or do to change my mind.” His voice is trembling, his heart hammering against his chest – he is scared. Before his eyes, Brendol’s green eyes darken with the desire to hit, to punch, to kill. He stormed closer to his son who quickly backed away from him, clenching and unclenching his fist.

“Ungrateful, stubborn bastard.”

“F-Father…”

Brendol’s face is beet red, huffing angrily as he stalked towards his son, more animalistic than human. He’s seen his father like this before, he knew what it meant and he knew what will happen to him. But that didn’t stop Armitage from begging and trying to appease his monster of a father. “Father...please…” He uttered the way he did when he was a child whenever his father got this furious. His voice is small, soft and weak. Always so weak.

Armitage remembers how he as a boy raised his twig-like arms over his face in a sorry attempt to protect himself from his father’s beatings. No matter what the boy did, he was helpless and completely defenseless against every punch and kick his father connected on his frail and small form. Armitage had only been six when he first discovered the taste of blood.

Not again.

Brendol grabbed for Armitage, but Armitage avoided the arm darting towards him. He staggered backwards, but stumbled before he could bolt out of the room. He fell on his backside, completely helpless from what his father could do to him.  His heart was beating rapidly in his chest like a hummingbird’s.

Young Armitage Hux used to hide in empty guest rooms and in his closet when he knew his father would get him. It was never a good strategy to trap one’s self in a small area, he learned that after his father cornered him. He had nowhere to go to, trapped when his father got to him.

“Think about what you said, what you did and how you acted tonight,” Brendol said, towering above Armitage the way he did when he was a boy.

Armitage glared at him.

“Snoke told me this particular room has walls that keep any sound from entering and leaving once locked. For concentration purposes, I was told.”

Brendol was walking towards the door now, one hand balled in a fist. He’s holding something in there. “You will stay here until you see the error of your ways, no matter how long it takes.”

It didn’t take long for Armitage to understand what Brendol meant to do. His panic spiked, memories rushing into his head. He pushed himself from the floor, wanting to rush out of the room before Brendol could close the door and lock him in there but he wasn’t fast enough. Although Brendol may be old and out of shape, he was still the same as he was when he was younger - quick, dangerous and without mercy. Armitage’s breathing hitched and became shallow as he rushed towards the door. He grabbed the doorknob, twisting, turning and pulling it desperately despite already hearing it click locked. Pounding desperately on the door, he screamed.  
  


* * *

  
Armitage gasped, awoken from his sleep by a blood-curdling scream. He’s still curled on the wooden floors of the study room. He had fallen asleep. God knows how long has passed since his father locked him in there. His head throbbed painfully as though thousand needles are being bored into it and his throat felt scratchy and dry - from screaming. Weak boy. Pushing himself from the floor, he looked around but found that he was still alone in the room. Brendol said no sound would leave and enter the room and yet…

 _AAAAAAAAAAH!_  

The screaming continued. The voice sounded oddly familiar. Armitage knows he’s heard that voice somewhere…

Is that _Ben_?

Without thinking, Armitage ran; surprised to find the door to be unlocked but didn’t give it much thought as the screaming continued. He bolted out of the room without giving much thought to where he was going. All he cared about was to find where the screams originated. He passed several other rooms he has never been to before, rooms he never would have thought even existed.

“Ben?!” Like he was utterly mad, Armitage called out. “Ben, is that you?”

He bolted through the backdoor, shocked to find himself going into a garden he’s never been to before.

He was certain that Snoke had specifically forbidden him to go here, but he couldn’t think of that now – all he could think of was getting to wherever that voice was originating. It was dark and he could barely see anything with his limited vision. His head feels light with anxiety and exhaustion, adrenaline fading from his bloodstream. He wants to stop running but he couldn’t do that, not when his father could still catch up to him. His body is moving on its own and he has no choice but to just let it move until it’s satisfied.

Armitage ventured on deeper and deeper into the garden – how wide is this garden? Each gasp of breath he took made difficult as his lungs feel like they were set on fire and finally, his body is overcome by fatigue and his legs begin to slowly cease their running. Soon enough, it begins to dawn on him that the place was completely deserted. He couldn’t hear the voice anymore too. Maybe he was only hearing things? The lack of oxygen in his brain from being locked for far too long inside the study could explain that. Just when Armitage begins to relax, he catches the sound of something utterly odd...and dangerous. He stops dead on his track, his blood turning ice cold as he hears…an animal growling. And it was close-by from the volume of it.

What was that?

Where is it?

How did a wild animal get into private property?

Thousands of question popped inside his head as panic once again began to shroud his mind. He could hear the blood rushing to his ears, acutely feel each hard pound of his heart and yet it felt like his body has been drained of blood. He feels cold and his whole body went completely frozen still as he finally sees the creature making all that monstrous growling.

Just a few meters away from him, he saw a six-feet tall thing. Despite its stature and countenance being obscured by trees and darkness, Armitage knows a monster when he sees one. It certainly isn’t an ordinary animal, as it stood on its hind legs akin to the way a man does, although Armitage could make out its features to be a bit coyote-like, with pointed ears and thick mane of dark fur clinging to its face, from the limited illumination that the moonlight provided. There isn’t a snout on that face, however, so it couldn’t just be an overgrown coyote, dog or fox.

It stood tall, what looked like its shoulder hunched as if it were carrying a heavy load over them. Its body was pivoted towards Armitage’s direction.

Merciful god. The beast saw him! His teeth rattled, his whole body shivered while the hair on the back of his neck stood. It was at that moment that Armitage felt terror. True terror. The very same terror he felt when his father had him cornered in a room while he held tightly in his hand the leather belt he uses to whip him to tears. All he could do was stare at it, not knowing what else to do. If he were to move a single muscle, there is no telling what the beast would do to him. He meets the creature’s glowing eyes and realizes that this thing is looking at him. Staring at him with its amber-brown eyes radiant like fire.

The creature’s gaze is heavy, its mouth agape and exposing its razor-sharp fangs. It was as though it is something that is capable of thoughts and rationality as it seemingly scrutinized Armitage’s actions, deciding what to do with him. There’s fear and conflict in those eyes that is achingly and frighteningly human. Animals tend to act on instinct, they wouldn’t think because they never had to. Does this creature possess the same intellect, conscience and rationality as humans do? Or had Armitage truly lost his mind? He’s gone completely delirious, yes...

“ _Don’t be frightened_ , _please,_ ” the creature said.

Armitage’s heart skipped a beat. It spoke - its voice deep and raspy as though its throat was dry as the desert but the words that left its mouth were clear as day. It even sounded concerned. Oh, Armitage must have indeed lost his mind to think this creature - or this figment of his imagination - actually has rationality, a voice and emotions.

There is only so much Armitage’s mind could process in a short span of time. His head swooned, and dark spots obstructed his vision. His legs felt like they were made of gelatin instead of muscles and bones, and they gave in beneath him. The last thing Armitage remembers was the feeling of falling, and falling for what it felt like an eternity until darkness consumed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: [fandomfix8](http://fandomfix8.tumblr.com/)  
> Artist: [sirinstree](https://twitter.com/sirinstree/)  
> You can find me [here](https://mademoisellebianx.tumblr.com/) on tumblr.


	3. A Thin Line Between Nightmare and Reality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Armitage is haunted by the memory of the creature he saw in Snoke's garden.

Armitage’s eyes fluttered open then close and then open again. He couldn’t fully open his eyes yet. Although he has been going in and out of consciousness for the past few…uncertain period of time. There is no telling how long he's been in this state or where he is although he could hear something. Someone was speaking above him, albeit they were just murmurs. Despite being barely conscious, he could still recognize who was speaking - it’s Mister Clementine Snoke. But Armitage isn't yet conscious enough to comprehend whatever it was the older man was saying. He sounded grim, solemn. It was as though he were speaking in a wake.  
  
Is he dead?  
  
Is this how death feels?  
  
That’s ridiculous.  
  
If he were dead, he shouldn’t have thoughts such as this, should he? If he were dead, he would know it, right?  
  
Groaning, Armitage opened his eyes, even when his eyelids felt so heavy, and he’s immediately blinded by a bright light. At first, he could barely see anything. It was like looking through a blurry, fogged up mirror. He blinked then squinted his eyes, willing them to focus. He could feel that he’s completely drenched.  
  
“Armitage?”  
  
He’s in his room, laid on the bed and covered in several bed sheets - the latter explains why he’s drenched in his own sweat. Snoke stood beside him with his arms crossed over his chest, his expression unreadable.  
  
“One of my servants found you in the garden last night, unconscious,” Snoke said, his tone patient yet his sky blue eyes piercing into Armitage. “Did I not tell you that it’s forbidden to venture in there, boy?”  
  
“I…” His throat feels sore and dry as he spoke. “I’m sorry,” He smiled sheepishly, trying to look as shameful and embarrassed as he can. “I sleepwalk sometimes, Mister Snoke. Perhaps, I somehow ended up going there, completely unconscious and unaware…”  
  
Lying wasn’t difficult for Armitage. He’s always done so much lying in the past that he’s become so used to doing it. He has his father to thank for that.  
  
Snoke looks him over, quietly. He’s exuding a strange aura – something that Armitage has never seen him project. With the time they shared together, Snoke has always had a calm and cheerful aura about him but right now, it’s different and he’s acting unlike himself. It was as if he wants to say something but he’s thinking how he would say it. “All right, we shall talk about it some other time,” He said, sighing. “I understand that you just woke up but this cannot wait.” Snoke wasn’t looking at him in the eye.  
  
The next thing the older man said after that made Armitage’s heart skip a beat and took his breath away, rendering him speechless.  
  
“Your father is dead.”  
  
Although Armitage heard Snoke loud and clear, and even when he understood each word the older man muttered, the information didn’t quite process immediately in Armitage’s brain. His heart pounded rapidly, as if it would burst open his chest; while several emotions all at once flooded inside him. He’s confused, relieved, ecstatic, excited, frightened, angry all at the same time and all he could mutter was a weak, “What?”  
  
Snoke did not say anymore after that. He squeezed Armitage’s shoulder then left him in the room alone, giving him his privacy.  
  
Armitage released a shuddering exhale, as he waited for the beating of his heart to slow down. His father, Brendol Hux, is dead. Finally. He’s waited for so long for this very moment - his freedom from his father’s clutches - and yet why does he feel like this? He should be happy, but he’s feeling too many emotions all at once, none of which he anticipated when he imagined this in the past. They just kept coming, filling him more and more, to the brink of overflowing from within him. And his heart is still beating so goddamn fast...why won’t it slow down?  
  
A sob escaped his tightly locked lips like a thief in the night that somehow snuck out of their latest victim’s house. There’s something wet and warm streaming down his cheeks. No, no, no, it can’t be. Armitage chuckled, bitterly. He’s promised himself that he won’t shed a single tear for his father - not even tears of utter joy - and yet here he was, weeping for the man he called his father but who never once fulfilled his role as one. Why is he crying? Perhaps, it’s the realization that he’s left on his own in this foreign town, with an older man he barely knows, without a single clue on how to pick himself up after Arkanis. Perhaps, it’s the realization that he’s alone and helpless - a fish out of water.  
  
He doesn’t know.  
  
‘ _Stop crying, you useless, whelp_ ,’ Armitage heard his father’s voice sharply snap at him, sounding as though he were merely a few steps away from him. Even in death, the man could still torment him.  
  
He must be more insane than he thought he was…

 

* * *

  
  
Armitage didn’t know how long he wept but he was certain that he hated himself even more with every second that passed. It was humiliating and disgusting to have so many emotions overcome him when he had trained himself to suppress so much in the past. He came to himself when Snoke’s servant knocked on the door and told him that lunch had been served.  
  
Aside from the clattering of the silverware against the ceramic plates, the dining room was completely silent as Snoke and Armitage ate. It was unusual for the flamboyant elder to be quiet as he was. Perhaps, Snoke was simply grieving in his own way, that’s why he couldn’t speak more about Brendol’s death. He and Brendol had been business partners for so long now. Surely, they must have formed a close bond with one another and so it’s understandable that Snoke isn’t taking his death too well.  
  
Although Snoke had informed him that Brendol’s body was in the morgue, he never told him how exactly did Brendol die despite how much Armitage had asked him. He didn’t tell him where he or they or whoever found him, what state Brendol was in when they did or what he thought had killed him. He simply told him that he’s dead, as if Armitage just had to accept it as it is and move on.  
  
As much as Armitage hated the damnable man and had wanted him dead for the longest time, he still wanted to know what happened to him. Armitage just couldn’t accept that he’s dead and then move on. As stupid and insane as it is, Armitage could not help but think that Brendol isn’t dead at all and was just doing this to ridicule him. It might just be a cruel, sick joke of some sort that he will pass as a ‘lesson’ that Armitage should value more while he is still alive. After being convinced that his father is actually dead, Brendol would magically turn up one night and reveal himself to be alive - flesh and blood and not a specter.  
  
“I would like to see my father in the morgue, Mister Snoke.”  
  
Snoke looked at him like he’s completely lost his mind. “My boy, I don’t think you would like to see him. He looks...ghastly,” He cringed at the word he used but continued, “I simply could not bear to witness you see your father in such a state. Knowing your father, he would not want your last memory of him looking like that...”  
  
This is a ploy. It must be. This isn’t normal. Unless it is Chandrilan tradition not to show a child his parent’s corpse. But that surely wasn’t the case here. If he were forbidden to see Brendol then Snoke should have simply told him that and Armitage would have probably let it go.  
  
Brendol had been hiding how he treats Armitage to Snoke. Armitage had noticed that. His father has made their benefactor that he’s a good man, a good parent. Brendol was a good manipulator and he was very charming and charismatic, Armitage was neither. However, he has several tricks up his sleeves.  
  
“He is my father,” Armitage said, purposely letting his voice crack. As much as he hated debasing himself into a weepy, poor young man, this act had always been successful in making people do what he wanted. Well, except Brendol. Armitage slumped his shoulders, appearing smaller than he already was and made the most broken face he can muster; pouting his lips and bowing his head. “I have every right to see my father’s corpse no matter how gruesome it looks. I need to, Mister Snoke. Please.”  
  
With a shaky exhale, Armitage buried his face in his hands, letting his narrow shoulders shake and feigning his utter despair. There is no telling if Snoke believed him or not. Armitage sniffled for good measure, adding to his dramatic stunt.  
  
He almost jumped out of his skin when he felt a hand stroking his back. He didn’t even hear Snoke get up from his chair and approach him. Despite wearing a layer of clothing over his skin, Snoke’s palm still felt cold as though he was touching his skin directly. Armitage held his breath.  
  
“Oh, Armitage…” Snoke sighed, voice gentle while rubbing his back in a soothing manner, “...all right, all right, we shall head to the morgue. What kind of heartless man would deny a young man’s request to see the dead body of his father?”  
  
Snoke wrapped his arms around him in a gesture of comfort – something that Armitage isn’t used to. The older man’s embrace sent goosebumps across his skin. Armitage shuddered while his heart hammered furiously inside his chest. He could feel thin, long fingers running across his hair and Armitage didn’t know what to do but he allowed Snoke to do whatever it was to comfort him despite Armitage not needing any comforting.  
  
“There, there, sweet boy…” The man whispered, “…I am here for you.”  
  
For some reason, those words and the hushed way Snoke said them made the hair at the back of Armitage’s neck stand.

 

* * *

  
  
The morgue was a separate structure near Luke Skywalker’s clinic. It was something Armitage has not seen before. In Arkanis, the morgues are always part of the hospitals. Snoke kept asking him if he were sure that he wanted to see Brendol. He asked him while they were on their way and inside the carriage, then asked him again as they were being escorted by the diener to where Brendol’s body was. Armitage was determined to see his father, although he doesn’t know how he shall react upon seeing him.  
  
The diener explained that the morgue had been built separated from the clinic because there was a point in time when bodies kept being found and brought into the clinic’s small morgue. It was actually one of Chandrila’s darkest stories. People died mysteriously - a curse, the diener said. There was no pattern for the reasons of the people’s deaths - they died through misfortune, through sickness, through cruelty. People just kept dying, regularly. Most bodies are claimed by their families but the John and Jane Does are left in Luke’s care and the small morgue was unable to store them he had to bury the ones that were left there first. The deaths just stopped just the way it started - unexplained and indiscriminately. In fear of something like that happening again, the mayor had the separate morgue constructed. Fortunately, since then, nothing like that ever happened again.  
  
It was...a bit difficult to imagine what the diener had told him had happened to Chandrila. Armitage would never have imagined such a quiet, peaceful and simple town to have had some grim and dark past. Just imagining people dying out of nowhere sent shivers down his spine.  
  
Once they entered the morgue, Armitage was shocked that he wasn’t welcomed by the sickening smell of rotting bodies and chemicals. It smelled surprisingly clean, with only a subtle smell of a formalin and phenol being carried in the air. Armitage figured that for a place where bodies are stored, it should smell horrid, but it seems that he was wrong.  
  
Armitage only realized that he was holding his breath when they stopped in front of a cadaver that has been laid on the table. The body covered with a neat white sheet from its head to its toes. From the outline alone, Armitage recognized it to be Brendol’s. The diener pulled the sheets and revealed the state of which Brendol’s corpse was in.  
  
Even with Snoke’s warnings, Armitage wasn’t able to prepare himself to see the visage of his father’s corpse. Armitage sucks in a sharp inhale. The old man was right - he is extremely ghastly, very unsettling to look at. Brendol’s skin was ghostly pale, almost blue all throughout. His neck was twisted in an angle that Armitage is certain that one’s bones and muscles could not physically accommodate. There are four scratches on his neck, all of different width and length. Armitage could clearly see the damaged tissue layer, muscles, bones, arteries and veins exposed by these scratches; seeing them made his skin crawl. Brendol’s mouth was wide open, as though his jaw had been locked while his life was flashing before his eyes. He must have been taken by surprise by whatever attacked him. Armitage flicked his eyes towards his father’s eyes, and found them wide open and lifeless like those of a doll’s.  
  
“They found him a few blocks into the forest,” Snoke said, breaking the silence in the room. He must have noticed how hard Armitage was scrutinizing his father’s corpse and felt the need to finally speak up. He meant to say more but Armitage chimed in with a question, “Who’s _they_?”

“My servants. They said they heard him shouting as though he were arguing with someone late last night before he ran out of the house, screaming bloody murder. Two of them ran after him when they saw him go into the forest,” the older man continued, “He was allegedly acting completely irrational and insane, howling gibberish and flailing his arms about as though he were swapping imaginary bees that had swarmed around his face. He’s gone mad, boy, mad...”  
  
Armitage’s attention was only half-focused on whatever Snoke was telling him. He couldn’t help but stare at the large scratches across his father’s neck; surely, blood must have spilled everywhere given that his jugular had been lashed open. The scratches are shaped far too peculiar to be that of any wild canine or bear that lurked in the forest.  
  
“...didn’t say what they saw that could have killed him; perhaps, they didn’t see anything. I didn’t think to ask them anymore. It didn’t matter…”  
  
Slowly, Snoke’s words were muffled and all Armitage heard was the loud thump, thump, thump of blood rushing in his ears as he stared blankly at his father’s wounds. He could see Brendol lying on mud and grass, bleeding uncontrollably from the gash on his neck and the wound on the side of his abdomen. Brendol must have clutched at his neck with one hand and then his side with the other. Armitage could see blood frothing from his mouth while he choked and gagged on it. It must have been so sloppy, unlike this cleaned up and hollow corpse. He could imagine that his father’s last thoughts - not words, the man couldn’t talk with those injuries - must have been how he hated the coppery taste of his blood, how he hated lying on the dirty, dirty ground.  
  
Armitage wished that he was there to witness every second of it.

 

* * *

  
It was dark.  
  
Armitage ran, panting heavily. He was completely surrounded by tall, large trees. From every direction, all he could see were goddamned trees. Their long, thick branches made the limited light from the full moon all the more limited. Leaves and twigs kept hitting his face while he sprinted to whatever direction his legs would take him. Once in a while, he would stumble on the roots of the trees around, on rocks and stones on the ground but Armitage would catch his balance before he could fall. The beating of his heart thundered loudly.  
  
He had to get out of this place.  
  
The ground beneath him hummed and rumbled, as though the land would give in beneath him anytime. That thought made his mind race faster, made his panic spike.  
  
Armitage looked over his shoulder to see what he was running away from. Just behind him, he found the large canine-like creature he came across in Snoke’s garden relentlessly running after him on fours, moving like a wolf after its latest prey. It snarled maliciously at him, baring its fangs at him as it chased him deeper and deeper into the forest.  
  
No matter how much he ran, no matter how fast he ran, he came across the same trees – as though he – no, they – were running in circles. It was as though he was trapped inside a maze like a mouse, placed there by a sick sadist with a creature that could kill him. Armitage did not pay any thought to anything but his desire to get away from it.  
  
It happened so fast. The creature cut past him and with one single, simple motion, lashes open his throat with its claws.  
  
Blood splattered everywhere.  
  
Sloppy.  
  
In an instant, with just a single swipe of the monster’s arm, Armitage gracelessly fell on his back on the ground. He gasped for breath as he clutched at the wound as if any sort of pressure he would apply on that area could save him from bleeding out. To his death. From the corner of his eyes, he could see the monster moving towards him.  
  
He saw it in the way he first did in the garden - its face almost fully obscured by darkness except its amber brown eyes. In the garden, its eyes had been utterly human as it looked at him. It did not stare at him with glossed over eyes; empty, unseeing and void of any rationality or conscience, the way a wild animal does. Indeed, its eyes were more human than animal then. It was different tonight.  
  
He still couldn’t see its face.  
  
Something darted out of the solid ground beneath him. Armitage’s thoughts weren’t able to linger in disgust as the soil exploded all around him and showered over his face as he felt cold, strong hands grabbing for his wrists. With each second that passed, the grip around his wrists tightened to the point of bruising. Overcome with panic, Armitage screamed and thrashed against whoever had grabbed him. His hand was forced away from his bleeding neck and pinned on the ground. He was only able to give one hand that grab for him a fleeting glance - they’re pale grey to blue in color with blackening nails  - before his face was turned to the side, exposing more of the gaping wounds on his neck to the predator making its way towards him. Another hand reached in from the ground and clamped over his mouth to silence his cries, muffling his screams to something akin to a dog’s whine.  
  
He shivered as he felt hands - more of those ghastly pale hands - stroking his body in a parody of comfort. He was held down, wrists and ankles now held in place on the ground as he squirmed against god knows how many more hands that continued to touch him. Try as he did to resist, his strength began to fade.  
  
Armitage cringed and shuddered as the creature’s warm breath wafted against his neck. It crouched on top of him, its huge body crushing him with its weight, its mouth directed over his neck as though it meant to take rip his throat open with its bare fangs.  
  
_Wake up._  
  
Armitage sat up, panting loudly and deeply; surprised but relieved to find himself lying on his bed, in his unlit bedroom. He grabbed for his neck, trying to feel if there was any cut on it and found that there was none. However, he was covered in sweat, as though he actually did physically run the distance he covered in his nightmare.  
  
It was just a nightmare.  
  
His eyes darted from one corner of the room to the other, unconvinced and also paranoid to find that the same monster that crept into his dreams had manifested itself in his room, ready to finish what it set to do in his dream. There was nothing out of the ordinary inside the room as he could find but it was hard to tell given that the room was  absolutely pitch dark.  
  
He’s alone, as he wanted and as he expected…but…  
  
Armitage’s shoulders jerked, startled by the tapping sound on the window. Tap. He quickly glanced towards the window, expecting to see whatever horror it was that his mind was having him imagine to be real. He saw nothing - not the creature coming back to see him once more, not the ghostly hands that had him pinned on the ground for slaughter. Perhaps, it was just the wind, or just a bird pecking its beak on the surface of the glass window. _Tap. Tap._ Armitage shuddered.  
  
He’s alone and yet, a perturbing feeling of someone’s eyes lingering on him settled against his skin like a blanket. Someone is watching him. No, that cannot be. _'It’s just your imagination_ ,’ He reminded himself, repeating it to himself over and over like a prayer as he laid himself on his bed. He pulled the sheets over himself and tightly closed his eyes. ‘ _Just your mind playing tricks on you, Armitage, go to sleep…_ ’  
  
_Tap. Tap. Tap._

* * *

  
The next day, despite being deprived of sleep, Armitage was able to convince Snoke to hold a wake for his father. In Arkanis, holding a social gathering before burying the dead had been a tradition, Armitage wasn’t too sure if it were the same in Chandrila. Snoke wasn’t repulsed by the idea and thought it was a thoughtful gesture for Brendol, but Armitage never meant to do it for him.  
  
It took only a few days to prepare for the wake. Armitage dreamt of the canine-like monster that stood on its hind legs every night since he saw it. He expected to be numb of the terror that struck him every time it visits him in his dreams, but that was never the case. Perhaps, it was because his nightmares weren’t repetitive - there wasn’t any uniformity or monotony in the events that transpired there. Every night, it was different, so the element of unpredictability made it difficult for Armitage to be numb from it. It didn’t help that his dreams, his nightmares always feel so goddamn real too.  
  
He had little to no sleep while Snoke was busy preparing for his father’s wake. Snoke had dragged him with him at times and Armitage’s body would simply go wherever he dragged him to. His body and mind were both too tired to process what’s going on and he was too exhausted to care. Snoke never asked him again what happened the night Brendol died, which Armitage was thankful for. He was not in the right state of mind to be able to successfully deceive Snoke.  
  
Perhaps, Brendol did go mad the night he died. Maybe he must have seen the wolf creature before Armitage did and was driven to the point of insanity the moment he saw it. Armitage couldn’t blame him. If his sleepless nights persist, he is certain he too will go mad.  
  
Soon enough, he finds himself standing in front of his father’s open casket, staring at his pale, dead face while people quietly filled the room in the funeral home Snoke had rented for the wake.He refused to have the wake in his house.  
  
Armitage barely recognized most - if not all - of the people who came to his father’s wake. He was certain Snoke had tried to introduce him to his father’s friends and acquaintances last time in the welcoming ball the mayor’s family held for them and when he was far too (admittedly) distracted by Ben Organa. It was a good thing Snoke was there to entertain the guests. Armitage had absolutely no patience to deal with countless questions regarding his father’s untimely death being asked to him by several people he doesn’t know.    
  
Snoke told him he had to speak a eulogy for his father. Ever since he was young, Armitage had always imagined his father dying due to unforeseen circumstances. He always imagined what his final words to his father would be, what words he would say in front of so many people who were close to his father. He had wanted to expose him. Should he expose him as the cruel man that he was? Or should he just keep Brendol’s charade of being a perfectly nice Arkanisian businessman?  
  
When Snoke had him face the guests and start the eulogy, Armitage had already decided what to say. Giving speeches had always been one of Armitage’s forte. He liked having people listen to him for once in his life.  
  
“You may have remembered Brendol Hux as a successful businessman and a charming friend,” Armitage started, staring off into a distance and not looking at any of the guests present in the wake. “I remember him as a father who wanted nothing more than what was best for me…”  
  
Brendol had always told him that he only wanted what was best for him. When, as a boy, Brendol refused to let him out of their house, he said it was because he didn’t want Armitage to be exposed to any harm the world had to offer, but in reality, he was ashamed of his bastard son and he didn’t want people to see him. Brendol had hit him, first with his hands, then with his fists and told him that it’s to harden him up and prepare him for the real world because he was too soft, too weak but he just wanted to vent his anger and frustrations on him and to see him hurt. Brendol had mocked him for his thin form, his dainty hands, his skinny wrists – he did so publicly and privately – and promised that he only did it because he wanted Armitage to improve his physical appearance but Brendol only wanted to humiliate him and make him feel small.  
  
His father did and said the most despicable things in the same breath as saying that he only did it for Armitage’s sake. As a boy, Armitage used to believe that. He used to tell himself that his father loved him and that he only cared. No matter how many bruises Brendol inflicted on him, no matter how much blood and tears his father extracted from him and no matter how long he was locked inside the storage room, young and naive Armitage still convinced himself that his father loved him.  
  
As Armitage grew older, he slowly began to accept the reality that his father’s treatment of him was unfair and that it was never out of love but out of hatred of who he is. Brendol had always been disgusted of Armitage because of his origin, his weakness and most especially his attraction to men.  
  
“...he was always there to remind me where I came from…”  
  
‘You look like your whore mother’ had always been Brendol’s favourite snide remark at Armitage. Armitage had never met his mother. Brendol always spoke about her in the most cynical and hateful way while he’s drunk out of his mind. His mother was a kitchen woman who worked for the Huxes. She and Brendol had an affair as he returned from the military and while he and Maratelle were engaged. Armitage was the result of this affair. Brendol never forgot to remind Armitage what he is, never forgot to mock him for it. He blamed every single one of Armitage’s ‘shortcomings’ to his mother and despite not knowing his mother, Armitage could not help but feel hot all over and insulted and angry whenever Brendol blamed her.  
  
Armitage continued to speak but he couldn’t hear himself. He was rambling while his mind was racing. He recounted several memories aloud but he never dove deep into those memories. He figured that he could never bring himself to share what he suffered in his childhood, even if he wanted to expose the man who made him suffer.  
  
“...even if he’s dead, I am certain that he will forever be a part of me.”  
  
Armitage sniffled, the surface of his eyes wet. He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and he walked out of the people’s sight. Keeping his eyes low, he didn’t look at those who spoke their condolences to him.  
  
It felt like a thorn that had been stuck on his side for years had been pulled out of him when Brendol was finally buried. Snoke had left him alone in the cemetery for a while, to give him some privacy. Armitage kept staring at the dirt that now crushes the coffin his father’s dead body has been trapped in. Perhaps, if he were to look away even for a second, his father’s hand would suddenly dart out of it and grab for him then drag him into the ground with him.  
  
“Excuse me, Mister Hux.”  
  
Armitage wished he could have stopped his heart from skipping a beat when he heard this man’s voice. He glanced behind himself, meeting the hazel eyes he longed to see the moment he heard the man’s voice. Ben Organa’s eyes were filled with sadness and sympathy. His lower lip quivered and quickly, he looked away; glancing down.  
  
If the emotion of being forlorn could be personified in an individual, Armitage was certain that he would look similar, if not identical, to Ben.  
  
He was alone, no sign of the mayor or Han Solo. If Armitage could remember, he wasn’t in the wake. Armitage did not hold that against Ben - although there was a small part of him that began to tell him that Ben was only ever nice to him during the ball because his parents asked him to. Snoke could have simply decided not to invite him and his family to the wake. That was understandable, Brendol didn’t like them during his brief encounter with them.  
  
“I just heard that today was your father’s burial from Trepeaux and I came as fast as I could,” The raven-haired young man explained, stammering. Armitage could only guess who Trepeaux is, he assumes that it was their tall, lanky family butler. Ben was breathless as he spoke. “I don’t know if...if you didn’t want me to come here or if Snoke didn’t want me around but I just wanted to pay my respects and if you want me to go then I can…”  
  
“I am glad you are here, Mister Ben,” Armitage said, cutting off Ben’s awkward rambling. Ben is completely flustered and a bit confused - completely different from the confident, smug young man Armitage danced with. Nevertheless, Armitage is happy to see him there.  
  
They were quiet for a while, with Armitage not knowing what to say or if he had to say something (explain that it wasn’t his decision not to invite him, perhaps?) and with Ben still catching his breath. Armitage is aware that he had been staring. He couldn’t help himself. It’s been days since he last saw Ben and he couldn’t believe how much he actually missed him.  
  
“I am sorry about your father,” Ben finally said, breaking the silence. Armitage was too focused on staring at Ben’s perfectly shaped lips that he didn’t notice that the young man was holding a bouquet of…what Armitage thinks are chrysanthemums. Armitage had never seen yellow chrysanthemums before. Ben continued, “Uncle Luke told me everything,” He explained, “It’s tragic what happened to him…”  
  
“Indeed it was,” Armitage replied, softly. He smiled as he takes the flowers from the mayor’s son, thanking him. Their fingers touched. Ben’s hands feel cold and his fingers were trembling.  
  
“Will you be all right, Mister Hux?” Ben asked as Armitage bends down to place the bouquet over his father’s grave.  
  
Will he be all right? Armitage had been contemplating about that ever since he first saw Brendol’s hideous corpse laid on the table of the morgue. Brendol Hux is gone. His father is finally gone and Armitage is left alone with Snoke. A cool breeze passes and he shivered besides himself. He’s already survived this long with his uncaring father, surely he can survive on his own.  
  
“…Yes, of course,” Armitage answered. He stood up, looking into the younger man’s eyes. He was reassuring himself as he answered Ben’s question, telling himself once more that he will be all right.  
  
“If you need anything, anything at all, just tell me and I shall be more than happy to help you,” Ben said to him.  
  
Armitage couldn’t imagine this young man having been part of a cult or practising black magic as Snoke had told him. He’s judged him poorly, and although Ben did the same with him, he was right about Brendol and his accusations of the man being nothing but a sycophantic user.  
  
“Thank you, I appreciate that, Mister Ben,” Armitage answered. Ben had already taken a step back when he added, “And as a matter of fact, I do need you to do something for me right now…”  
  
“Anything,” Said the young man, solemnly, as though he had not said the same thing and even emphasized that word specifically just a few seconds ago.  
  
“Stay with me…”  
  
Armitage didn’t know why he sounded so small as he spoke. He hated it. He sounded just as his father had mocked him – weak. It was never his intention to sound weak or soft or anything like his father had told him to be. And he never wanted himself to be the way his father had told him to be when his father is six feet buried in the ground. He wanted to appear stronger and he didn’t want anyone to pity him, that’s why he didn’t tell anyone his father’s rough treatment of him. He doesn’t want anyone’s pity, especially Ben’s.  
  
‘ _Please, even just for a little while. You don’t have to say anything…just…as much as I don’t want to admit it, I am frightened and unsure and I just don’t want to be alone just yet…_ ’  
  
“All right,” Ben answered, shattering any other thoughts inside Armitage’s head. And he stayed. He stayed without saying a single word just as Armitage wanted, simply providing the orphaned man silent companionship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: [fandomfix8](http://fandomfix8.tumblr.com/)  
> Artist: [sirinstree](https://twitter.com/sirinstree/)  
> You can find me [here](https://mademoisellebianx.tumblr.com/) on tumblr.


	4. Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben remembers his promise to Armitage the night they danced.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to warn y'all, Snoke is extremely creepy in this chapter...

A parent’s death, Armitage had read before as a boy in one of the limited books he was allowed to read, would result to a drastic change in a person’s life. It doesn’t matter whether the person is young or old, losing a parent would leave him broken and he would never be the same without them. Ever since young Armitage read that, he dreamt for his father’s death. He imagined that once his father is gone, the very bane of his life, his life would be so much better - magically and instantly.  
  
Unfortunately, that was not the case. The day after Brendol’s funeral, Armitage felt like absolutely nothing has changed. He expected to feel...different - free, happy. However, the bliss and relief he felt after discovering his father's death and seeing his body buried were nothing but temporary. The reality of it is that even with his father's death, nothing has changed. He’s still alone and lost. Perhaps, this is what his father wanted, for him to be as worthless as he feels to be right now. Brendol had planted the seeds of abuse all throughout Armitage’s life and Armitage is now reaping what has been sowed.  
  
“We have to talk about what happened in the garden, Armitage.”  
  
Armitage jolted. Quickly, he glanced upwards from the book he was currently reading, an exceptional page-turner titled ‘The History of Chandrila’. The surroundings of the study room had been completely quiet since he came inside and the sudden sound of his benefactor’s voice startled him. Strange, Armitage didn’t even hear him walk. But there he is, leaning casually on the door frame, his arms crossed over his chest. He was wearing that hideous gold bathrobe again.  
  
That morning, Snoke was nowhere to be found in the vicinity of his mansion. When Armitage asked the servant where he was, the redhead told him absolutely nothing and just stared at him with an unsettling expressionless gaze. Armitage thought that he went to work or perhaps, once again locked himself in whatever room he forbid Armitage to go to. Well, here he is.  
  
Snoke made his way into the study room where Armitage guesses he’s been stuck in, reading for hours now. He has a stern expression on his scarred face.  
  
Armitage never would have thought that Snoke truly meant to talk about how he ended up in the garden the night his father died. Given his old age, Armitage hoped that Snoke would have simply forgotten about it and moved on, but Snoke did no such thing. He was simply waiting for the best moment to confront Armitage about it.  
  
“I told you, Mister Snoke,” Armitage replied, speaking slowly as he places the book down, “I sleep-walked.”  
  
“When my servant found you, he told me that you were in a state of shock, Armitage,” Snoke explained, “Your skin was pale, cold, clammy…”  
  
“Perhaps, I was out there for too long.”  
  
“Armitage…”  
  
Before Armitage could react or talk again, Snoke reached out and touched his face. Armitage looked up, meeting the older man’s icy blue eyes. Snoke began stroking, caressing his face which made Armitage shudder.  
  
What was he doing?  
  
Armitage was frozen still, not knowing how to react or what to say as Snoke touched him. What was clear to him was that he doesn’t want the old man caressing him that way.  
  
_‘Stop touching me.’_  
  
“…did you purposely go into the garden?”  
  
Why was Snoke so adamant to know if Armitage went into the garden or not? Does it have anything to do with the creature he saw there? Does Snoke even know of its existence? Was he hiding it?  
  
When Armitage refused to answer, Snoke pushed on, asking a different question, “Did you see anything in there, perhaps?”  
  
Armitage swallowed hard. He could tell Snoke the truth, that he went into the garden because he heard someone – Ben – screaming but for some reason, his heart was beating so fast. Why does he feel like he shouldn’t tell him and that it wasn’t the right choice? Snoke runs the pad of his thumb against the high point of his cheek. A shudder ran through his whole body. He’s frightened. He desperately wanted to move away from Snoke’s touch but for some reason, he couldn’t. It was as if an unseen force was keeping him in place and wouldn’t allow him to even just flinch from the older man’s cold fingers.  
  
“I will not be angry, my boy,” Snoke said, tenderly, as though he were speaking to a child. “Trust me, Armitage. I will not be angry, just answer me, please.”  
  
The thing is, Armitage doesn’t trust Snoke. He doesn’t trust the man who was supposed to be his benefactor. There is something too eerie and sinister with the way he looks at him, the way he talks to him.  
  
Armitage, despite his heart beating fast enough to rupture his ribs, kept his expression calm as he answered him, “No, I did not go to the garden nor did I see anything peculiar in there, Mister Snoke.”  
  
Fortunately, Snoke finally left him alone after that, dropping the topic but without forgetting to remind Armitage to never go to anywhere in his house where he was forbidden to. Armitage promised to do so. He did not seem to believe him but what Armitage only cared about was for the old man to finally leave him alone.

 

* * *

  
  
With Brendol dead and buried, Armitage hoped that he would attain more freedom in Chandrila than he ever had in Arkanis but again, he was wrong. Snoke was as strict as Brendol was. He did not allow him to leave the mansion’s premises unaccompanied and he never allowed any of his former suitors in to visit him. Armitage thought he would lose his mind out of sheer boredom and of the lack of proper socialization. Snoke was mostly away and his servants were too preoccupied to converse with him.  
  
For days, Armitage was alone with the books in the study and his own thoughts. He couldn’t stop thinking about Snoke’s insistence about the garden. As much as Snoke does not believe him with his sleepwalking excuse, Armitage does not believe that Snoke has no knowledge of what truly conspired the night Brendol died.  
  
“Good morning,” Armitage greeted as he walked towards one of Snoke’s maybe six redheaded young servants. The young man was in the middle of dusting off the statues and sculptures in the living room and he didn’t even turn to look at Armitage or seem to even notice him calling to him. Clearing his throat, Armitage tapped the man on his shoulder as soon as he’s reached him. “Excuse me,” said Armitage as he continued to try to make his presence known to the fellow gingerly brushing a small sculpture of a snake that was placed on top of the fireplace.  
  
Slowly, the young man turned to look at him, regarding him with lifeless, tired eyes. Armitage beamed a wide and friendly smile at him, wanting to look as friendly as he can. “Hello, I understand that you are very busy but I just wanted to ask you about the night my father died,” he said, “Mister Snoke said that you and your colleagues found him dead in the forest. I am not certain if you were there or not because Mister Snoke never specified which one of you were there but…I just needed answers. Did…” He’s rambling, but no matter how much he stammered and embarrassed himself, the servant simply stared at him quietly. Armitage took a deep breath and continued, “…did you see what it was that killed my father?”  
  
No response.  
  
“Was it a huge wolf-like creature that stood on its hind legs?”  
  
Still no response.  
  
The young man continued to stare at him, a deadpan expression on his face. He was staring blankly at Armitage, his dark eyes looking as though they can see right through Armitage. It was as if he doesn’t see or hear Armitage.  
  
“Hello?”  
  
Armitage gasped. A loud knock erupted on the door, making Armitage jump in shock. Still, the young man didn’t react but instead, bolted to the door to answer it.  
  
“Good morning. Is Mister Hux there?”    
  
He recognized that voice.  
  
Quickly, Armitage made his way towards the door and as he expected, he found Ben Organa standing opposite the half-opened door. The servant has yet to let him in. Ben didn’t look too happy when Armitage sees him.  
  
“Mister Snoke does not allow anyone to go inside the mansion nor does he allow Mister Hux out unsupervised,” said the servant while regarding Ben with the same inanimate and doll-like eyes. “Leave at once.”  
  
Ben scowled petulantly, clicking his tongue. He glanced towards Armitage and finally, he smiled at him, exposing his adorably crooked teeth. “A pleasure to see you today, Mister Hux.”  
  
There’s a hint of mischief twinkling in Ben’s eyes which makes Armitage’s heart swell up. Ben asked, “I was meaning to ask you if you still wanted to go on that tour around Chandrila with me…”  
  
_Oh._  
  
With everything that happened, Armitage forgot about Ben’s offer to accompany him But to his defense, his father did just die and he did just see a horrendous monster (which is something he is uncertain to be real or something he just imagined) in the garden of his benefactor’s mansion. Armitage couldn’t see himself after Ben had asked him about it but it seemed like he looked completely guilty, given how Ben looked completely disappointed.  
  
“I’m sorry,” Armitage said, as embarrassed as he is, there isn’t any point to denying that he forgot all about it, “I forgot your invitation, but I do still want to go out with you, however…”  
  
“Well?” Ben grinned, ignoring the servant that kept monotonously telling him to go away. “What’s stopping you, Mister Hux?”  
  
The child-like smile on his face, the excitement gleaming in his bright brown eyes are simply so difficult to say ‘no’ to. Armitage moved past the servant, squeezing out of the half-opened door and ran off with Ben, not even giving any thoughts to how Snoke would react to what he was doing. How could he when Ben was gregariously laughing as he tightly held his wrist as they ran? It’s absolutely ridiculous how much Ben was laughing as though they just committed the biggest crime in years and had gotten away with it.  
  
Armitage caught himself chuckling along with the other young man, not knowing when he started to do so. When he and Ben had climbed into the carriage that brought Ben there, they were both breathless and Ben was still laughing.  
  
“Snoke wouldn’t like this,” Armitage said moments later, shaking his head. He glanced towards Ben’s direction and caught him staring at him.  
  
“He won’t know,” Ben answered. The huge smirk was still on his lips. “I will have you back in his mansion before he can get back and realize that you are not around, you have my word.”  
  
“I don’t know what time he will be getting back,” Armitage argued, “He is very unpredictable…”  
  
“Then we should make the most of this, should we not?”

 

* * *

 

The first place Ben brought Armitage was the Breha Park, a little park that was said to be located at the heart of Chandrila. It was named after Leia Organa’s late adopted mother. When he was little, Ben and his father used to go there all the time to play. Although it was rather uncomfortable for Armitage to listen to how fondly Ben reminisced and told him his memories in the garden, he could not help but appreciate how the younger man’s light brown eyes brightened while talking. Armitage brushed away Ben’s questions regarding his childhood, quickly and easily diverting Ben’s attention as they passed the erected statue of Breha Organa and Armitage began sharing what he learned from the history book he read.  
  
Ben was disappointed to know that Armitage was able to familiarize himself with the town’s history. It seems that he wanted to show off his knowledge about the town as he and Armitage go to several places in this lovely and spontaneous date. Unfortunately for him, Armitage always finishes his story for him every time he tried to tell him a historical fact connected to each place they visited.  
  
They next visited a temple that was once used by the Jedi who, according to what Armitage had read, are people who practiced white magic and protected the townspeople from witches and practitioners of black magic. He and Ben had visited several more of these temples and these temples are nothing Armitage has ever seen before. They were rather old and are mostly covered in moss or cobwebs or with vines clinging on the walls but they are simply marvellous despite their oldness. They all have tall columns and dome-like roof made entirely of marble but inside, it was completely empty.  
  
Before Armitage knew it, he began rambling about everything he read in Snoke’s study room. Ben stopped telling Armitage the history of the old Jedi order, allowing Armitage talk for him. It was as if Armitage hadn’t just moved into the town. Ben listened intently and smiled as Armitage talked and talked.  
  
After the third Jedi temple they visited, Ben decided to bring Armitage to a lake retreat next. It was quiet, peaceful and calm place with little to no people in the premises. The people who were there seem to know Ben since they greet him when he passes them. Unlike when they were touring the temples, Ben kept quiet this time but never did that mischievous and excited smile leave his lips. Ben led Armitage onto a balcony and the view from it was simply stunning that Armitage was speechless for a few seconds as he stood there rooted on the ground while he tried to absorb all the beauty right before his eyes.  
  
From where he and Ben stood, he could see a clear, wide, green-blue lake. Its surface sparkled like twinkling stars as it reflected the light of the sun’s rays. Not only was the lake beautiful, he could also see the greenest hills and mountains he’s ever seen in his life from there.  
  
“It’s absolutely breathtaking,” Armitage gasped as he rushed in closer and closer towards the curved balustrade of the balcony. He smiled, surveying the area. A cool breeze rushing against him and he took a deep breath of that fresh air. He’s been isolated in Snoke’s mansion for so long that the slight moisture in the air and the smell of grass carried into the breeze was almost foreign to him.  
  
“This is where my grandparents exchanged their vows of unending love and got married,” Ben said, making his way to stand by Armitage’s side. “Do you find it acceptable to your Arkanisian standards?” There wasn’t any mockery there in the way he spoke. He was simply teasing him.  
  
“It’s magnificent,” was all Armitage could say. He was still far too enthralled by the view before him. From the corner of Armitage’s eye, he saw Ben smiling. He looked proud of himself for being able to render Mister Armitage Hux speechless.  
  
“Can I ask you something, Mister Hux?” Ben leans against the balustrade, staring off into the distance despite addressing Armitage.  
  
“Of course.”  
  
“Have you ever wondered what it was like if you lived life differently?”  
  
That question made Armitage glance away from the view and look at the young man standing beside him. Ben still wasn’t looking at him. He was staring at something far away, or simply staring at nothing at all, who knows?  
  
Not waiting for Armitage to say anything, Ben continued, “I’ve always wondered as a boy, what if I wasn’t the son of the mayor of my hometown and an ex-smuggler?” He said, “You see, Mister Hux, when I was a boy, my mother had been very busy and my father had been mostly away. I felt like I was neglected. Although they did try their best to make sure that they return home from their respective jobs and spend time with me every night even when they were completely exhausted to the bone. But wasn’t it unfair that I was left to be taken care of by Trepeaux and Artou and not by them during the most crucial days of my young life?” Ben shrugged his wide shoulders, “I don’t know...I just..I always wondered what it was like to have both of my parents with me always while I was growing up or what it was like to not have everyone constantly watching my every move or what it was like to not have such high expectations thrust on me just because of who my relatives were...”  
  
Ben inhaled deep then let out a shaky exhale. He turned his face away, grumbling and muttering to himself.  
  
Armitage could feel blood rising to his cheeks. He should be angry - well, he does feel a tad bit angry - no, not angry to be exact but something like that. Armitage wanted to grab at Ben’s shoulders and shake them and tell him how lucky he was as a child that he knew exactly who his mother is, that he has parents who try to be with him despite how busy they were. Ben was fortunate enough to have loving parents and a good home. Armitage never got to have that luxury. Maratelle and Brendol hated him and Arkanis had always been falling apart because of its political infighting. Yes, as a boy and even until now, he did wonder what it's like to live someone else's life, more than he should ever have even. Ben may have had his struggles and Armitage knows that because everyone has their own struggles but…  
  
“Well,” Armitage said between clenched teeth despite himself, “I’ve always wondered what it was like to know who my birth mother was and what it was like to have my father actually love me.”  
  
When Ben sharply turned to look at him, Armitage knew that he should not have said anything. Ben stared at him, eyes wide and Armitage knew there was no turning back from this.  
  
“I…I am a bastard, Mister Ben. My mother was a lowly kitchen woman whose name I will never know of. My father loathed me. I was his biggest mistake and my existence is something he always regretted. You ask me if I ever wondered what if I lived a different life and I am telling you that yes, I did and I still do,” _Stop talking._ “Can you blame me for wanting a different life, Mister Ben?” _Stop, you are going to embarrass yourself._ “I wish I lived with my mother instead. I wish I knew if she ever loved me, if she even wanted me,” Armitage kept talking and talking even when he wanted to stop. He couldn’t stop. The words just kept spilling out of his mouth. “When I was young, Brendol hit me during several occasions, sometimes privately, other times publicly. He always told me that I was useless and weak. He hurt me in any way he could think of just because he wants to and he could. I wish I didn't have that bloody monster as my father. I…I...I wished that I killed Brendol Hux myself!”  
  
“Mister Hux…I…”  
  
Ben looked horrified. He was speechless, grasping for the right words to say if he had to say anything at all.  
  
Armitage regretted every word he muttered immediately. He's never revealed that much about himself to anyone. He thought it would make him feel better but it didn’t. Shame quickly followed afterwards and he knew he can't do anything to take his words back to take the shame away.  
  
“I…I’m sorry…” He said, voice trembling. Quickly, he looked away, scared to see how Ben would react, scared to watch him back off and leave him alone. Maybe it is right for Ben to just leave him.  
  
“I didn't know,” Ben’s voice was soft. He didn't sound angry or disgusted or anything similar to those which surprised the other man.  
  
“I didn't mean to…I didn't want to invalidate what you suffered during your childhood, Mister Ben, I am so sorry. That wasn't my intention at all. I just…I…” Armitage could feel tears welling into his eyes. No. He doesn't want to weep. Not in public and especially not in front of Ben Organa. “When you talked about parents and neglect and…everything, all I could think of was Brendol. I keep being reminded of Brendol.”  
  
Ben shushes him gently. He leaned closer to him and takes his hand in his, rubbing the pad of his thumb on Armitage’s pale knuckles. He didn't say anymore, and just held Armitage’s hand while Armitage tried to control his breathing.  
  
“He is dead and yet he keeps haunting me. He is always there, like a deep, huge scar on my face, always reminding me of what he did to me every time I looked into the mirror. I am trapped, Mister Ben,” Armitage laughed bitterly. Tears still clung to the side of his eyes, fortunately not yet spilling. He cannot afford to weep, he’s embarrassed himself quite enough already with his ramblings. “I feel trapped even when the jail I had been put into all my life has been unlocked and slid open for me to step out of.”  
  
Armitage expected Ben to ask questions. He expected him to ask why he never told anyone about any of Brendol’s abuse. He expected him to ask why he never fought back or why didn't he just run away from all that. None of these questions left Ben’s mouth. Instead, Ben was just quiet. It felt like Ben understood him somehow even when he himself has not experienced anything like Armitage did. He simply continued rubbing his thumb against Armitage’s knuckles. It was soothing, actually. Listening to the faint chirping of birds and the faint splashes from the lake below, Armitage began to calm down.  
  
Once Armitage was confident enough that his voice wouldn't tremble as he spoke, he decided to shatter the silence between them. “I apologize for spoiling the mood,” Armitage muttered, “I understand that this was supposed to be...romantic and I ruined it with my silly outburst.”  
  
“Don't worry about it,” Ben replied, “Besides, I was the first one to have an outburst, Mister Hux, not you so the blame should be put on me.”  
  
“I hope that pitiful little display did not change your mind in wanting to be my friend.”  
  
“I was actually hoping to be more than that,” Ben admitted. “In due time and if you ever decided to give me that honor, that is.”  
  
“We’ll have to see,” Armitage replied, coyly as he let their fingers intertwine as they held each other’s hands. Ben’s hand feels so warm around his own.  
  
“Need I remind you that I said that I wished that I killed my father myself?”  
  
“Everyone has their own darkness, Mister Hux,” answered the brown-haired young man. “Yours do not scare mine.”  
  
They stayed in the lake retreat for a while after that. Ben recounted his childhood memories, while it was Armitage’s turn to listen to him. Ben never asked him about his childhood. Ben didn’t let go of his hand all the while.  
  
Armitage and Ben returned to Snoke’s mansion and what Armitage feared would happen actually happened, Snoke got there before they did. He opened the door, which was something unusual because it has always been his servants who answered the door for him. There is a look on his face that reminded Armitage of Brendol. It’s the same look Brendol wore whenever Armitage disobeyed him or disappointed him.  
  
“Mister Snoke,” Ben chimed in, grinning, “how do you do?”  
  
Snoke wasn’t looking at Ben. He was staring right at Armitage. It was as if Ben wasn’t even there with him.

“Armitage,” Snoke said, sternly. Just like Brendol.   
  
Armitage opened his mouth to say something, anything but no words left his mouth. It’s the same with Brendol. All it took was that damn look. He’s always brought to silence by that same damn look every time. He wanted to tell him that he merely wanted to get out of the house for even just a few hours because he was growing bored of the same atmosphere around him for days now.  
  
“Go inside, Armitage,” Snoke said, snapping at him.  
  
“Mister Snoke, if I may - ” Ben said as Armitage looked down, and made his way back into the house, into the prison he’s been thrust into.  
  
“Go home, boy.”  
  
Snoke closed the door in Ben’s face then grabbed Armitage by the arm, forcefully yanking him into the living room and out of sight from the door where they left Ben. His grip around Armitage was tight and it hurt. For a seemingly fragile man, he was surprisingly strong. Armitage looked up to meet the man’s eyes and Snoke’s scarred face is twisted with fury, making his already grotesque face all the more hideous.  
  
“I told you to avoid Ben, didn’t I?”  
  
Armitage turned his face away, couldn’t bare to be reminded of his dead father as he looked at him, but Snoke grabbed both of his cheeks with one hand, squeezing them as he forced him to look at him.  
  
“Brendol would not have approved of how I treat you. I am being too lenient on you, boy. I have to have my men watch over you, lock you inside the mansion. I can’t have you disappearing on me again, Armitage. It’s a dangerous place out there, with dangerous people and creatures. You wouldn’t want to end up like your father, right?”  
  
Snoke continued to ramble, holding Armitage’s face close to his and once again, Armitage is frozen on the spot, not knowing what to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: [fandomfix8](http://fandomfix8.tumblr.com/)  
> Artist: [sirinstree](https://twitter.com/sirinstree/)  
> You can find me [here](https://mademoisellebianx.tumblr.com/) on tumblr.


	5. Speak No Evil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben refuses to let Snoke keep Armitage away from him.

Snoke did follow through with his words the next day. He became stricter with Armitage and had his servants watch him whenever they can. It was suffocating. He’s been scrutinized all of his life. Armitage stayed most of his time inside his room, not wanting to see the servants stare blankly at him and watch over him as if he were a child. He tried asking the servants to allow him to go outside in close proximity of the mansion but they just gave him the same deadpan gaze and didn’t let him do so. When Snoke came back from work, he would stay around Armitage, keeping as close to him as possible.   
  
That arrangement went on for days and Armitage felt like he was on the brink of losing his mind.   
  
Since he was young, he’s always felt like a prisoner in his own home. Nothing changed despite the fact that he has grown older and is now living in a different house and a different town. Perhaps, it was his tragic fate to be someone’s prisoner. First he was Brendol’s prisoner and now he is Snoke’s.

Armitage did not hear from Ben during that time. He had absolutely no idea if he ever tried going there to visit him or not. In fact, Armitage had no idea if he immediately left the moment Snoke closed the door on his face after their little ‘stunt’, as Snoke calls it.   
  
One night, Armitage was preparing to go to sleep when he was disrupted by the sound that went _tap, tap, tap._

Someone was tapping on the glass of his window. It was almost the same tapping noise that he once heard, but this isn’t rhythmic or uniform unlike the one from before.

A muffled voice was calling out to him.   
  
Still lying on his bed, sheets pulled over his shoulders, Armitage took in a sharp inhale of breath. He was too frightened to look at whatever it was that was tapping on the window. Who knows what could have visited him in the middle of the night? He’s scared to find the wolf-like creature there, staring at him with its glowing amber eyes or to see several dismembered hands there just hovering.   
  
“ _Mister Hux_!”  
  
Finally, that got Armitage to look. Gasping, he saw a silhouette of a man, hunched over and leaning against the glass. The man was clinging on the windowsills. It was difficult to see because of the darkness that shrouded them. He sat up from his bed, staring blankly at whatever it was that was there on the opposite side of the window.  
  
“ _Mister Hux, let me in_!”  
  
“Ben…?”  
  
Is this a dream?

Is he seeing things?

Had he finally gone mad due to how Snoke was treating him?

Armitage made his way towards the window and squinted his eyes, as though doing so will help him see the man better in the darkness. He leaned closer on the glass and there, he finally recognized that elongated face, that pair of large eyes and sharp angled nose. He isn’t seeing things. It IS Ben Organa. He hasn't gone insane yet.   
  
“Hells! You scared me. What were you doing there?!” Armitage half-whispered, half-screamed as he pulled the window up to let Ben in. Even when he desperately wanted to raise his voice at Ben for waking him up in the middle of the night, he couldn’t let anyone in the mansion, especially Snoke, hear him.  
  
Without responding to Armitage’s completely logical question, Ben squeezed himself into the room. He was panting for breath, breathing deep. That was understandable. Who knows how long he had been outside Armitage’s window, clinging onto the windowsill.   
  
“Are you insane? You could have fallen to your death!” Armitage slid the window close behind him as soon as he had entered. He turned to see Ben rubbing his palms vigorously. “You must be freezing, Mister Ben…”

“I have been trying so hard to be able to see you again,” Ben explained, his lips trembling. He looked at Armitage, eyes wide with anxiety. Ben had gone pale too, but Armitage could be wrong, it could have just been how his narrow face looked as it was only illuminated by the little moonlight that seeped into the room. “I tried telling them I wanted to talk to you, that they need not worry that I would ‘abduct’ you again like the last time, but they wouldn't let me. I came here every single day. Snoke didn't want me anywhere near you. He couldn’t stand anyone near you but him. I couldn't stay away from you…I couldn't, Mister Hux, I…”

“Ben…”

“I cannot stand the thought of not being able to see you, being not able to hear your voice, being away from you, Mister Hux.”

Armitage feels lightheaded all of a sudden. He would be lying if he were to say that he doesn't feel the same way. The reason why he found it difficult to stay put inside the mansion is the constant feeling of longing he had for Ben Organa. Despite his mind being filled with thoughts of the creature in the garden and Snoke’s strange behavior towards him, he still manages to think about Ben, He's gotten completely attached to Ben, which was something he's feared all his life - being attached to someone. Attachment is weakness, Brendol had told him. And this specific attachment of his ended up exposing him and stripping him until he is at his most vulnerable.

Ben continued, “I want to take you away from here. The thought of you being so close to him keeps me up all night. I want to keep you away from him. But I can’t...I'm _terrified_.” He was completely distraught, his widely-opened eyes darting around the dark room as though he were looking for something.

It was already difficult to understand every word Ben was saying as he was already murmuring his words harshly and his words do not make sense without proper context.

“Keep me away from whom, Ben?” Armitage questioned, voice soft. He was hesitant to even ask. It felt as though he was in the middle of opening the Pandora’s box and unleash great evil upon himself. Swallowing down the fear that threatened to choke him of his own words, Armitage tried to push the information out of his perturbed companion, “What are you so frightened of?”

Ben looked his eyes at flicked his eyes at him, staring at him with tearful big brown eyes. He shook his head, refusing to answer Armitage’s question.  

“Ben…”

Slowly, his eyes trailed down until they reached to where Armitage’s lips are. He’s _staring_. Armitage flushed red at that realization. What could he be thinking while he’s looking at him? Armitage has caught himself staring at the other man’s lips during several occasions, but would anyone hold that against him? Ben has, without a doubt, the most luscious lips Armitage has ever seen. He’s always asked himself how it felt, kissing those lips and then seconds later, would be filled with utter shame for thinking such filthy, depraved thoughts.

Ben steps forward, decreasing the space between them. His large stature casting a shadow that loomed over Armitage who stood still. There was no forewarning of some sort as he leans closer to Armitage so that they finally stood chest-to-chest. Ben dips his face towards Armitage’s, his warm breath puffing against the redhead’s lips as he let out a shaky exhale. Then their lips met.

Eyes fluttering close, Armitage lets himself get lost in the sensation of Ben’s lips against his. They’re so soft, so warm - far better than he had ever imagined. Long fingers ran through his hair before settling on the curve of his nape where Ben held him in place. A traitorous moan escaped his lips as Ben’s tongue slipped inside his mouth. It’s a relief that his lips were sealed or else Armitage would be completely filled with utter shame.

Armitage has never kissed anyone before, so he let Ben take control. Their noses bumped against each other as Ben angled his face to kiss him harder, deeper, with tongue and teeth. Body heating up, Armitage gets drunk with the taste of Ben Organa’s mouth, the feel of his soft yet bruising lips on his, the grounding huge hands that held him in place all the while he was certain that he will start falling apart.

“I have to have you…” Ben said, breathlessly as soon as he released him from the kiss. “If you let me, I shall be very grateful, Mister Hux. My desire for you is torture and I feel like I’m being torn apart with every passing day. Please, let me have you. I can no longer bear this ache from wanting you too much. I want to be free of this _pain_...”

Still dizzy from the kiss and heart still beating rapidly inside his chest, Armitage reached for Ben’s face, holding his face with both hands and nodded his head. He doesn’t trust himself to speak yet, as his mind couldn’t form even a single coherent thought. Elated to get his permission, Ben took him in his arms and carried him as though he weighed nothing then laid him on the bed.

“I…” Armitage hesitated, hating himself for even opening his mouth. _He hasn’t done this before._ He could feel his cheeks burn, could imagine how red he looks. Having lived most of his life under his father's strict watch and crammed inside a house, Armitage never got the chance for any sexual activities. He’s touched himself before but after doing so, he is always left feeling empty and filled with shame and disgust.

Anxiously, Armitage glanced at Ben while the other man undresses himself. His next words getting lost from his tongue as he sees what was underneath all the fine clothing that Ben wore. He’s well-muscled, which Armitage would never have expected from the son of the town’s mayor, with broad shoulders, prominent pectorals and a well-chiseled abdomen. Ben’s body is the stark opposite of his, with its defined muscles, broadness and solidness. Armitage’s body is lithe and soft-looking.

Armitage felt as though he was staring at a commissioned sculpture of Adonis and not at a mere mortal man. Completely enthralled, he watched as Ben climbs on top of him. He looked like a lion gracefully stalking a gazelle, preparing to leap at it and devour it. Once they were face to face, Ben kissed him on the mouth again before moving to kiss his neck, his jaw and then his ear. Armitage shivered with every touch of Ben’s plush lips against his burning and sensitive skin, his body thrumming with anticipation, excitement and lust.

Armitage’s breath hitches while Ben’s hands traveled over his thinly clothed chest, his strangely plump stomach then lower towards -

Ben cupped his cock in one hand, pressing and massaging it with enough pressure to quickly stir something inside Armitage. His hand was big enough to cover his cock easily. A sharp exhale left Armitage’s lips, the feeling of someone else’s hand over his genitals.

Someone else’s large hands with their damn long fingers…

Delicate hips bucked involuntarily. His body moved as if it had a mind of its own. The small, high-pitched noise that escaped his throat after Ben slipped his hand past the waistband of his pants made Armitage want to clamp a hand over his mouth. Finally, fingers tightly enclosed around his hardening cock and before Armitage could start humping for more friction, Ben started moving his hand up and down the shaft.

“ _Ben…_ ” Armitage squeaked, his arousal rising heavily. All of a sudden, the air around them felt heavier, felt warmer than before. Ben’s hand moved, pumping his cock harder and faster. Armitage had done this before, but he’s only done it on his own. Having someone do this for him is... _different_. With Ben the one holding the reins, everything about it is unpredictable - the pace, the pressure. Armitage had his own system and he jerked himself off as if doing so were something utterly despicable  and he treated it like a personal chore.

Moaning, he muttered that damn name over and over which only encouraged Ben to push him closer and closer towards his climax. It shouldn’t take too long.

As the noises coming out of the redhead’s lips began to increase in volume, Ben pressed his lips against his in an attempt to stifle his voice. Armitage was thankful for that. He wouldn’t want to wake Snoke or any of his peculiar servants with the sound of his high-pitched keening while a trespasser pleasures him. Without warning, Armitage came, his orgasm hitting him hard and quick. He cried out, spilling his load on his abdomen and on Ben’s fingers who did not seem to mind.

“You’re lovely. Utterly and purely lovely. Complete perfection...” Ben mumbled, planting several more butterfly kisses on the redhead who was still seeing white spots before his eyes.

‘ _No, I am not,’_ Armitage thought, not having the heart to tell Ben so. No one has ever called him lovely or perfect before, and that was because he isn’t remotely any of those words. The praises should bristle his skin as though they were something that disgusted him, because they simply weren’t true. He doesn’t deserve these praises because he hasn’t earned them yet…

“Are you all right?” Ben asked, mouth moist and hot against the small of his shoulder. He must have noticed how Armitage was quiet.

“Yes,” Armitage replied, smiling, touching his face fondly. “Perhaps, more than all right...”

In response, Ben hummed, his lips pulling into a mischievous grin. He leaned into Armitage’s hand. He’s no longer as cold as he was when he entered the room.

“Let me give you something better,” Ben whispered. “Turn around, lie on your belly and lift your hips.”

Armitage does as he says as soon as he was able to catch his breath. He shivered as he feels Ben slipping his pants from his waist, undressing the lower part of his body which made his heart rate rise. He takes a sharp exhale of breath as he feels Ben squeezing his ass and pulling the cheeks apart. Armitage jolted. His face burned with embarrassment as he realized that Ben was staring. Surely, Ben could see _everything._ He’s too open, too exposed. There’s something nudging lightly against his ass. Armitage closed his eyes, his knees are shaking.

“Sorry,” Ben said softly, thinking that he’s hurt him somehow. Hesitantly, he asked, “Must I continue?”

“Yes, please…” Armitage answered as he braced himself, holding the bed sheets tightly. Then, slowly, Ben pushed one slick finger inside him. It was a strange sensation - something Armitage has never felt before. It wasn’t too uncomfortable and he doesn’t feel averse to it.

“Relax…” Ben muttered softly, gently; his low, gruff voice was enough to ease the nerves that threatened to overcome him.

Burying his face on the bed beneath them, Armitage sighed, willing his body to relax and trying his best to stop thinking of anything that could send him spiralling into his insecurities and succumbing to them. He wanted to do this with Ben.

He wants this and nothing could get in the way of that.

Ben had pushed his finger all the way in until its knuckle. There is a bit of a sting in there, but nothing Armitage couldn’t handle. As slender as he is, he knows he isn’t delicate or frail. He could handle a little sting, a little pain and so, he didn’t complain when a second finger was added inside him. Ben’s breathing has changed as he was thrusting the second finger deeper inside, Armitage noticed. Once Ben had both fingers deep inside Armitage, he curled them, turning them as though he were probing for something until he taps something inside of Armitage.

A violent shiver ran across his spine as what felt like lighting set his nerves aflame. Flashes of white appeared before Armitage’s eyes as his hips bucked and an unexpectedly loud, wanton moan escaped his lips. Much to his disapproval (which almost verged close to chagrin), he felt Ben withdrawing his fingers.

“More…” Armitage, although completely red-faced and a trembling mess, growled. He pushed his hips back, wanting those thick, long fingers to tap that certain spot inside him again. “More, Ben, please…”

Just as he wanted, Ben complied, hitting his fingers against that sensitive bundle of nerves over and over. Armitage squirmed and moaned, back arching as he was lost in pleasure he had never imagined experiencing. Once again, he didn’t last long, sensitive as he was, and he came for the second time without Ben even stroking his cock to urge his second orgasm.

“So good...you were so good, Mister Hux...perfect…” Ben babbled while licking and sucking at Armitage’s skin. Armitage’s eyes fluttered closed as exhaustion settled heavily against his bones, coaxing him to finally sleep, despite the feeling that somewhere someone is watching them.   

 

* * *

 

Somewhere, a glass shatters loudly.

Armitage sat up from the bed. He’d fallen asleep! Acting purely out of instinct, reached out to the side of the bed where he thought Ben laid, expecting to find him lying on the bed beside him, deep in his slumber. But there was no one there. He glanced around the room but there was no sign of him there. Loud footfalls could be heard from the lower floor of the house. Could that be Ben? No, he wouldn’t make that much noise. Perhaps, a ghost? Had Brendol returned from the grave to haunt him personally?

Something crashes - something hard and solid - and Armitage jolted. Again, it was from the floor underneath him. There is some sort of ruckus going on down there. Could there have been an intruder? A burglar? Given the noise, Armitage could tell that there was more than one person causing the noises.

Armitage’s mind was racing and his heart began pounding rapidly.

What is he going to do?

Surely, he couldn’t just go outside and run towards whoever was causing the noises. He couldn’t just stay locked in his room, hiding while the place he had been staying in was being desecrated by whatever kind of hoodlums.

Where is Ben? Is he safe? Or -

_“AAAAAH!”_

As if on cue, just as soon as he began thinking about Ben, he hears that same screaming he heard when Brendol had locked him inside the study. That horrible, wretched disembodied screaming. This time, it was louder, clearer…it's coming from below! It wasn't something he was merely hearing inside his head. It's _real_ this time.

Scrambling to his feet, he got off his bed and made his way towards the door. Ben - or someone who sounds like Ben - was outside and possibly the one causing the commotion. Armitage couldn't be as carelessly impulsive as the last time. Quickly, he grabbed for the brass candle holder on the cabinet beside his bed. It was the nearest object he could grasp that he could use as a weapon. Who knows who or what was making all that racket. It was best that he come prepared. He couldn’t just charge into the living room, completely spooked.

As quietly as he could, Armitage sneaked out of his bedroom and went down the stairs, lifting his feet so that he would not make any noise. The ruckus continued as he headed down, and with the limited light source there, it was dark but it was not impossible to see anything. It was strange that after all the noise and commotion that erupted inside the house, Snoke hasn’t noticed it yet. Gripping the candle holder tightly, he ventured on to the source of the noise, to the living room, despite how fast his heart was beating.

He expected to see a group of intruders in the middle of carrying out a robbery but there was none. The living room was in a state of disarray, however, as he could (although just barely) see that the statues and sculptures Snoke so proudly displayed there had fallen and all laid in a pile of broken pieces of baked clay and glass. The couch had been moved far back on one corner and turned in an angle that was not entirely aesthetically pleasing, the pillows had been ripped open.

There’s something else on the ground, something Armitage could not quite identify. He moved closer towards it. Once he was close enough, the smell of blood filled his nose and it wasn’t a mere hint of that rusty scent, no, the smell is very strong. Armitage’s eyes widened in shock as the realization of what the thing on the floor was finally hit him.

On the floor was Snoke’s mangled corpse, lying face first in a large pool of blood. His body was almost torn in half by the large scratches on his stomach - scratches that were the same as those on Brendol’s corpse. Snoke, whose face was deathly pale, was staring upwards, as though he was looking at someone who once stood above his body as his life force quickly drained away. His mouth was open, his expression frozen in shock.

Quickly, Armitage looked away. He couldn’t stand looking at it. Shivers wracked his body from his head to his toes. His benefactor, Clementine Snoke, is dead and most probably killed by the same monster that killed his father. The same fucking monster that kept coming into his dreams and tormenting him.

_Tap. Tap. Tap._

From the corner of his eyes, Armitage could see a pair of dark figures standing in front of the glass window. He couldn’t see their faces, if they had a face. They stood perfectly still and erect, almost statuesque, hands on their side but Armitage could _feel_ their eyes on him and in unison, they stepped towards his direction, walking in a way that reminded Armitage of wooden puppets. The dark figures are heading his way.

“Oh, bloody -!” Armitage exclaimed, his heart rate spiking. He took two, three steps back. He wanted to turn around, wanted to run but his body was shaking too violently that he couldn’t move it the way he wanted to.

Right in front of his eyes, the figures began changing in shape. He watched as part of their faces, presumably the mouth and nose, stretched in an uncanny way. Their bodies twitched and stretched and shifted to unrecognizable and ghastly shapes. As all of this was happening, the figures were deathly quiet, letting Armitage hear every single crack and pop of what he could only guess to be bones.

Paralyzed, Armitage was too horror-struck to look away. He watched as their former bodies morph into something more wolf-like - something similar with the creature he saw the night Brendol died. These creatures he was seeing change before him were smaller and do not seem to have any physical human characteristic. Their red eyes were shining distinctly in the dark as they watched him intently and unlike the creature in the garden, Armitage could not find any emotion in them.

Without warning, they lunged at him, growling and feral. Quickly, Armitage swung the candle holder as hard as he can, hitting one square on its snout. It yelped, tumbling to the side. Armitage did not have time to process what he had just done and without thinking, kicks the other; hitting its eye. The monsters, however, were too quick to recover. Before Armitage could push himself back on his feet, the wolf caught part of his shirt with its teeth. Armitage screamed as it yanked him towards its direction. Its fangs grazed his back - he is going to die, the monster will rip his throat, cut his body open…

Quickly, his mind raced with the memory of Brendol’s hideous corpse. The idea of ending up dying unexpectedly like his father...is completely _frightening_ to him. Brendol had friends and acquaintances in Chandrila. Armitage had no one in this town he can call as his friend - perhaps, Ben Organa but he was just one person. If he were to die right here, right now...will anyone even care? Will anyone even notice?

Armitage hears another yelp, this time he wasn’t so certain if it came from the wolf or from him. Warm fluid sprayed across his cheeks, the smell of blood filling his nostrils. Is he bleeding? He couldn’t see it, but he could feel it trickling down and leaving a warm trail across his face. Was he not feeling any pain whatsoever because his brain was suppressing it? Armitage’s heart was racing too fast for comfort, his chest tightening and he couldn’t breathe. His breathing became shallow and faster - not enough to fill his lungs with the oxygen his body needed. He feels like he’s sinking to the ground, body melting, losing its shape, form, solidity. Everything was numb except for the tightness in his chest and the feeling of it rising and falling rapidly while he inhaled and exhaled. His ears were ringing.  He’s spiralling into an abyss of darkness where he is shapeless, numb…where he is nothing.

 _He’s dying._ His vision starts to blur. Surely, that’s what’s happening right now. _He’s dying._

“Hux...Hux…Hux…you’re fine...I got you…I got you…look at me...”

Someone was touching him. He felt that - a pair of big, warm hands grabbing both sides of his face, tightly holding him and guiding him to look up. Armitage allowed his head to be lifted, meeting a pair of light brown eyes he knew too well now.

_‘Ben?’_

Ben was saying more, but his words were muffled, drowned out by the high-pitched ringing in Armitage’s ears.

He is falling apart, his already formless body somehow feeling more and more like it was a piece of ice slowly melting. It’s strange how much he was breathing heavily but still feels like both his lungs are empty. Ben held him tightly against him as though he meant to keep him from breaking apart. Ben feels so solid, warm and his breathing slower than Armitage’s. Slowly, Armitage followed his breathing, letting Ben’s guide his while he inhales through his nose and exhales shakily through his mouth.

Armitage was still catching his breath and trying to steady his racing heart when the second wolf finally got to them. However, the creature didn’t even have a chance against Ben. Ben caught it by its snout, one hand enough to enclose it like a muzzle. He forced it to close its mouth and with his other hand, thrusts a dagger to its neck, once again spilling blood. Wide eyed, Armitage stared aghast as Ben dropped the lifeless wolf on the floor as though it was nothing. Armitage looked around to see what has become of the wolf that had almost killed him and saw it lifeless inches away from him, its throat cut open as well.

“We have to go,” Ben told him. There was no urgency in his voice. He was unnaturally calm - like he hasn’t just slaughtered two monsters by slicing their necks open with a goddamn knife, as if Snoke’s mangled corpse was not there. “It isn’t safe for you to stay here any longer. Come with me.”

“But what about Mister Snoke?” Armitage asked, foolishly.

Ben stared at him as if he could not understand his question, as if Armitage had just spoken to him in another language. Snoke is dead. What else must they do? There isn’t anything they could do. Ben was insufferably so calm about it. He regarded the corpse quietly, his gaze devoid of any emotion but when he looked at Armitage, he saw that there were so many emotions there but only there.

Ben helped him to his feet and supported him to stand while Armitage swayed and wobbled. “Quickly now,” Ben muttered, still not answering Armitage’s question. As soon as the redhead was able to find his footing, Ben tugged him behind, holding him by the wrist. Moving as quickly as he can, Ben guided them to the back, to the door that led to the garden.

“Ben, we are not supposed to go there…” Armitage told him but again, his words were left unheard by its supposed recipient.

As they entered the garden, Armitage could not help but shudder, remembering the creature that plagued his dreams for countless nights. Ben, whom Armitage is almost certain has never stepped foot in Snoke’s mansion, walked through the garden as if he’s had the place memorized. He doesn’t stumble on a tree’s roots or get his clothes caught in vines and shrubs even though it was difficult to see.

A few moments later, Ben stopped dead in his tracks. Without turning towards Armitage, he asked, “Do you trust me, Hux?”

 _Are you insane?_ Armitage wanted to pull his hand from Ben’s grasp and scream to his face. Ben came into his benefactor’s home by recklessly climbing to the windowsills, scared to death and anxious. Here he is now, calm and collected despite seeing hideous monsters nearly killing Armitage and seeing Snoke’s grotesque dead body. He hasn’t even given him a single explanation to what was going on and he’s asking him if he trusts him.

When Armitage simply gawked at him in return, he repeated his question, this time, turning to face his companion. He looked him in the eye, asking him again, but slower this time, completely unaware that Armitage heard him the first time. “Do you trust me?”

“Yes,” Armitage answered despite the thoughts and doubts clouding his mind, completely surprising himself. Armitage is not one who openly voices out what or how he feels and to hear himself. Trust is something that he does not give haphazardly. All his life, he was cautious of everyone - his father, his stepmother, the helpers in their mansion, the friends of his parents - but he trusts Ben. “I trust you,” He said, wanting to hear himself say so, because even with how completely insane it was to trust someone he barely knows, he does.

Armitage expects to hear any sort of explanation of what had just happened but nothing such as that happened. The young man continued to be quiet while guiding Armitage through what seems like the woods and not a simple garden. His complete nonchalance to the situation is more disturbing than anything Armitage has seen that night.

“Ben, what’s going on?”

The raven-haired young man stared at him. He opened his mouth as if to answer but quickly, clamped it down when a series of howls echoed in the distance. With each second that passed, the howls grew louder and louder.

“Run,” was the only warning Armitage got before Ben pulls him after him and ran.

Ben was mumbling, babbling but his words were drowned out by the loud drumming of Armitage’s heart filling his ears.

Only when Armitage squeezed Ben’s hand as he was dragging him to wherever did he notice that Ben too was trembling violently, that Ben’s hand had gone extremely cold. So it seems that he wasn’t as calm as he lets Armitage see. In fact, he might be just as scared and as lost as Armitage was.

Armitage couldn’t fathom what was happening anymore. Is he still asleep in his bed? Is he having another nightmare and he just feels as though he was trapped in here?

No, as impossible as everything that had just transpired, all of this was real.

Growling.

He could clearly hear growls from a distance behind them. They do not sound too far away. Panting, Armitage ran as fast as he can, ignoring how much his legs ached. He was certain that there are wolfish monsters - which might be the same as those that attacked him in the mansion - that were chasing their trail, although he couldn’t tell how near or how far they are from them.

Armitage does not know how long he and Ben had been running in the same goddamn garden - if this place really were a simple backyard garden. But who knows? They could be running in circles and putting themselves in great danger. Perhaps, Ben does not know where the fuck he was leading Armitage, but he did ask him if he trusted him and Armitage said he did. He does.

There are several questions Armitage has for Ben, but he understands that now is not the time to demand answers from him. However, given how Ben continuously refused to answer the questions he had already asked him, Armitage doubted that he could easily pull the answers he wanted from him just by asking.

“Don’t look back,” Ben warned before Armitage could do just that. Finally, there’s that urgency Armitage had been looking for. He glanced over his shoulders to check on him, his brown eyes wild and wide with what Armitage recognized as fear. Whatever it was that he saw that were running behind them was enough to finally make him feel something.

Ben ran faster, pulling Armitage behind him harder. Armitage winced. Even when the muscles of his shoulder and legs were beginning to strain, he continued running so that he can catch up with Ben.

On and on, Armitage reminded himself of Ben’s warning - once in a while getting so close to turning to look behind him. No, he shouldn’t do that. If seeing whatever was – or were – running after them had been enough to scare Ben then, what would it do to him, who was already scared to death at this point?

The aggressive growls and huffing from the creatures Armitage has yet to see became louder and louder. They’re so close, he could practically feel the ground beneath them thrumming.

They’re heading towards what looked like the edge of a cliff and Ben, the mad man, seemed to not have any intentions in stopping or moving to a different direction. They are no longer anywhere near Snoke’s mansion, Armitage understood that much. Perhaps, he made the wrong decision to trust Ben Organa. Once they finally reached the edge, Armitage sucked in a breath as Ben held his wrist tighter. Ben need not tell him what he wanted to do - they’re going to jump. The thought of doing just that made Armitage’s heart to racing again. There isn’t any indication that Ben is completely confident with where they had been going and with what he had been doing. Will they even make it alive once they jump? Armitage couldn’t see anything beyond and whatever it was that was waiting for them below.

Without any other words of warning from Ben, they jumped into the darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: [fandomfix8](http://fandomfix8.tumblr.com/)  
> Artist: [sirinstree](https://twitter.com/sirinstree/)  
> You can find me [here](https://mademoisellebianx.tumblr.com/) on tumblr.


	6. The Limitations of Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben finally exposes his secret.

Falling is a peculiar sensation. To fully surrender one’s weight to the pull of gravity while adrenaline pumped wildly through his veins and while cold wind rushed and enveloped his body. Armitage supposed that if he and the man he truly cares about weren’t plummeting to their possible deaths, he could have enjoyed it. The only sort of comfort he had was the feeling of Ben’s hand tightly holding his hand as they fell. Still not knowing that they would be safe once they stop falling wasn't what Armitage would call reassuring, but at least it was something.

Armitage braced himself for what was to come – for the sharp slap of his body hitting the surface of a freezing lake or the hard crash against a very solid ground. Those never came and instead he and Ben were caught into what Armitage felt was some sort of a net. Breathless, Armitage laid there as the net swung back and forth at the impact of their fall.

He hasn’t fully wrapped his mind around everything that’s happened, but hearing nothing but the sounds of their panting, a few buzzing insects, and the rustling of leaves, Armitage could at least try to convince himself that they were safe. That is, for now, unless Ben decides once again to run around like a complete maniac across wherever the hell they are. They could be anywhere - in the middle of the forest or possibly in a different dimension - Armitage has no idea.

Ben was the first to jump down from the net, which, sitting up, Armitage noticed to be a few feet high up from the ground. It was not too high up but Armitage, being completely conscious of his lack of body coordination, knew he would hurt himself by attempting to do the same stunt Ben just pulled. Fortunately, he didn’t have to do that - just throw himself down and trust that the raven-haired young man catch him. Ben does.

“Well, then,” Armitage said as soon as he’s standing face-to-face with Ben. He doesn’t know where to begin. There’s so many things he wants to ask Ben.

Ben looked him over, his eyes soft and finally no longer devoid of any emotion whatsoever. Eyebrows raised, he commented, “You’re exhausted…”

 _‘Obviously.’_ Armitage scowled, lips pursing and forehead scrunching. The comment was unnecessary and stupid. Of course he’s exhausted, they’ve been walking and running around in circles, being chased by monsters Armitage was not allowed to look at for god knows how long.

“Ben -”

Just as he was about to press Ben for answers, he was startled by something cold and damp dropping first on his shoulder then on his cheek… _it’s raining_!

“Reminds you of Arkanis, eh?” Mouth quirking, Ben smiled as Armitage huffed an exasperated exhale. How dare he smile, joke around and chuckle as though they didn’t just escape death?

They hurriedly ran to take cover under trees but found that they weren’t sufficient to keep them from getting soaked. Then Ben guided Armitage into a cave where he declared, without the _slightest_ hesitation that it’s safe to use as shelter for the night. They stayed close to the entrance zone where the moon can still provide them enough light to see.

“They wouldn’t get to us here, Hux,” Ben rambled as he casually takes his rain-soaked shirt off. “We’re safe. You can rest as much as you want while it’s still -”

“ _They?”_ Armitage parotted. _“_ Who - or what - are _they_ exactly?” Dripping wet and trembling, he stood unmoving, glaring at Ben, accusingly. He didn’t expect to raise his voice. That’s not important. What’s important to him was to finally get some answers. “What…” He’s stammering, voice trembling but he pressed on. “Those creatures in Mister Snoke’s mansion, the ones that attacked me... _what_ in blazes are those _things_? What were they doing in there? I-I don’t understand. Nothing - _Nothing_ makes absolute sense! Snoke is dead and you are acting so unlike yourself - all calm and collected. What the hell is going on, Ben?”

There was no telling how Ben would react to these questions. Ben was simply _staring_ at him in silence while he screamed and demanded answers. Armitage scowled, pulling his lips in a thin line while he continued to glower at Ben. From where they stood across from one another, it was difficult to see what expression Ben was wearing, if there was an emotion there at all, as shadows had crept on his face like a veil.  

A shiver ran across Armitage’s body as a breeze of air passes by and he’s suddenly conscious of how cold and utterly soaked he was. He could only imagine how he looked in Ben’s eyes with his damp clothes clinging to his body and exposing his thin frame without him having to take his clothes off.  

Ben stepped forward, decreasing their distance from one another. There’s a hint of a smile there on his plump lips, Armitage could see that now. “Hux, you’ll catch your death like that…” He said to him.

“I do not bloody care about that now!” Armitage snapped back despite his teeth rattling and his body trembling ceaselessly. He must look like a petulant child right now, arms at his side and his fists closed tightly.

Slowly, Ben approached him, decreasing their distance from one another. He held Armitage’s shoulder, rubbing them as though that would somehow provide a certain type of heat that would help with Armitage’s shivers. There’s a sad smile on his face as he tells him, “You will not believe me even if I tell you.”

“You don’t know that…”

“That’s true,” Ben sighed, his dark lashes trembling as he did. Relenting, he finally surrenders his secrecy and says, “All right.”

He and Armitage sat down on the ground even when it was uncomfortable.

With Ben’s insistence, Armitage finally begrudgingly took his wet shirt off before he could freeze to death in it. Defensively and shamefully, he crossed his arms over his nipples, knowing full well that they’re erected due to the cold. It was a relief that it was dark enough that the crimson color that tinged his cheeks had been close to unnoticeable.

With everything Armitage had witnessed coming to Chandrila, he thought that nothing Ben would tell him could leave him at a loss for words but he was wrong.

“The _creatures_ that attacked you in Snoke’s house were what he called Praetorian guards. Surely you’ve met them. In fact, you’re always with them,” Ben explained and when Armitage gave him a curious look, he continued, “Snoke’s manservants are also his well-trained bodyguards.”

For a short and sudden moment, the dark-haired young man stopped speaking. He looks up into Armitage’s eyes, staring deep into them as though he means to read his thoughts through them.

“I’m sorry you got pulled into this, Hux,” Ben whispered. He looked completely remorseful. He continued, “Truly, I am.”

“I do not understand…” All of a sudden, Armitage’s heart is beating too fast inside him.

“Snoke and his manservants weren’t exactly completely human…” Ben said. Still looking into Armitage’s eyes, he continued, “…and neither am I.”

Armitage wished he could find what Ben said too ridiculous to be true but somehow, hearing what Ben just revealed to him made so much sense. Ben’s last statement, however, was something that Armitage could not believe.

“Hux,” Ben muttered. “I know you’ve seen a wolf-like creature even before tonight. However, the one you saw was different from the ones that attacked you. They’re closer to a wolf’s appearance and behavior. The one you saw before was more human...”

How did he know that? That night, Armitage was certain that Ben wasn’t anywhere near Snoke’s mansion. Or was he? Armitage remembers that he did hear Ben – or someone who sounded like Ben – screaming then but when he followed the sound, Ben was nowhere to be seen. Armitage had been convinced that he had only been imagining then that he heard Ben…

“That night, your pathetic excuse of a father locked you inside Snoke’s study. When you grew tired of screaming and kicking from the inside, you fell asleep. Woke up to the sounds of my screams…”

Impossibly, Ben recounted the events to him. It was as if he himself were there when it all happened,  as if he had witnessed everything himself. Armitage let him do so, listening to what he has to say and not daring to interrupt him despite having his mind filled with so many questions as they go along.

Ben’s voice was unquestionably soothing, Armitage noticed.

“You were completely hysterical and without thinking, ran out to where you thought I was. Yes, I was there. Snoke had me come to the mansion to train in having more control of the beast inside me, as well as to reprimand me for being too close to you at the party. If I hadn’t felt you stirring from your shallow slumber in time then you could have seen me in all my hideous, hideous glory. I tried to hide from you. Didn’t want you to see me in that state so I tried to run as fast as I could so that you would not see me but…”

A shiver ran across Armitage’s spine. The wolf-like creature’s voice, its soft amber brown eyes that were so utterly human…back then, Armitage found them to be familiar because…

“Yes,” Ben spoke even before Armitage could say anything, understanding that his companion had figured out what he was hinting at. “The wolf that stood on its two hind legs, the _werewolf_ , that you saw the night Mister Brendol Hux was murdered was none other than the man standing in front of you this very moment.”

He must be joking.

This is madness. Complete madness.

Armitage wishes that this was just some twisted joke that Ben ever so unjustly played on him. He scrutinizes Ben’s face for any hints if he was being ridiculed but was distraught when he finds none. Ben was completely serious.

“Did you…?” Armitage hoped he could stop his voice from trembling as much but, alas, he couldn’t do that. He cleared his throat before asking Ben the question he had always had since Brendol’s death, “Did you kill my father, Ben?”

He thought such a question would offend Ben but it didn’t. Ben shook his head, a sad smile lightly forming his plump lips.

“After hearing how he treated you, I wished I did, Hux…”

“Then who…?”

“Clementine Snoke,” Ben answered, heatedly, as if the mere mention of the man’s full name kindles so much hatred and anger inside him. It was something Armitage has never seen Ben exhibit when talking to and about Snoke.

“Why would Mister Snoke kill Brendol?”

“He meant to keep you as close to him as possible,” Ben said, “You must have noticed it, didn’t you? The sudden change of his treatment towards you....”

_My sweet boy._

“Ah, you did…”

Ben was right. After Brendol’s death, Snoke exhibited an abnormally saccharine sweet and uncomfortably intimate behavior towards Armitage. _My sweet boy_. Just repeating the very words Snoke used to address him in his head made his stomach turn as though he had eaten something absolutely rotten.

It’s absolutely disgusting.

Armitage could still feel the way the man’s fingers caressed his face, the way he held him close to him as Armitage pretended to grieve for his neglectful father. He despised it. Suddenly despised Ben for reminding him of something that he tried so hard to take out of his memories and bury into oblivion.

As though he’s heard his thoughts, Ben chimed in, “Do not fret, I felt the very same way. That is something that we have in common, Hux,” he said. “You and I had been chosen to participate in Snoke’s sick little game…”

“Enough with the rhetoric, Ben, please,” Armitage pleaded softly as he massages his temples. He does not know how much more unbelievable information he can take.

“Sorry.” The chagrin in Ben’s voice was unmistakable as he apologized.

Armitage expected Ben to continue talking but he seemed tentative. It was as if he was waiting for permission to talk some more. No, he was not waiting for anyone’s permission, just unsure what to say or how to say it. Armitage lets him have this moment of silence, his little moment of pondering while he squirmed from where he sat. The ground was hard and uncomfortable but the feeling of Ben’s shoulder against his made up for the discomfort.

“Snoke...who is he exactly and..?” Armitage hesitated, “...what did he do to you?”

He was curious, of course, but he also had a feeling that he wouldn’t like what he would hear.  It may be a sensitive topic and he would understand if Ben didn’t answer him.

For a while, Ben was quiet, staring into place. Then a look of melancholy crossed Ben’s face and in response to the question, he asked Armitage, “Remember the gossip surrounding me about my disappearance and my joining a cult?”

Armitage nodded. How could he forget the very first thing Snoke mentioned about the son of the mayor?

“I ran from home to join Snoke and his pack of werewolves called the First Order. It was not exactly what one would call a cult but it is closer to a brotherhood than a cult.

“You see, Snoke had presented himself as a very wealthy, trustworthy and smart man when he first moved into Chandrila. He told me countless stories of dark magic whenever we crossed paths with one another. I trusted him and was swayed by his pretty words and promises of power.

“Snoke was no ordinary man. He was what their pack or cult or whatever foolishness that was called the Supreme Leader, the most powerful werewolf in there. He was the one in charge and he was the one who turned me.

“I couldn’t recall what happened during the ceremony of my turning, what they did to me. All I could remember was the feeling of bliss and euphoria after it was done. It felt like I was reborn. But these feelings were short-lived as I had to undergo an intense training under Snoke in my new form.

“He turned others before me, I’m certain, but I was the only one who gained a different form after my transformation. Snoke said it was because of my family’s history of practising black magic, because in these veins courses the blood of the strongest Sith in history, Lord Vader who was formerly known as Anakin Skywalker. The man had a talent of exploiting others’ weakness for his own gain. When I was training with him, he made me feel like I was free, that I can be _stronger_ and I can have more than I already have because I am the heir to Lord Vader. He made me feel like I do not need anyone but him and for a time, I believed him.

“I returned to my family when my ‘training’ was nearly finished, when Snoke had approved that I was ready to finally go back.

“It was too late when I realized that he only meant to use me against my parents. He wanted to destroy my mother through me and take Chandrila for himself.  

“In order to protect my family, I knew I had to cut all ties with Snoke somehow sooner than later but I felt _trapped._ His influence in me was far too strong. The only way for me to finally be free of Snoke is to...”

“...kill him,” Armitage finished, eyes widening as he finally pieces Ben’s story all together. “You killed Mister Snoke!”

“Yes,” Ben confirmed without a sliver of remorse in him.

Armitage was flabbergasted. He stared at Ben, unable to hide his disbelief, as well as his admiration. He understood that having to expose his past like that was difficult and having to admit to killing someone is much harder. Ben Organa had been honest to him and honesty is always admirable to Armitage.

“He meant to take you as his little life companion, Hux,” Ben said. This time, he is the one to break the silence. His voice was shaking. “He wanted you to be his _pet_ ,” He angrily spat the word. “His beautiful, young _lover_...”

Armitage felt sicker and sicker with each word Ben said to him. He could taste bile at the back of his throat and he felt whatever was left in his stomach had risen to his esophagus, ready to spill out of his mouth.

“I thought of that when I ripped him apart,” the raven-haired man continued. “That made killing him even more satisfying…”

He sighed.

Armitage watched Ben while he stared into his palms before clenching and unclenching them.

“The First Order is coming for us, Hux,” Ben said. “You and I both.”

“I see…”

“I’m sorry.”

Ben stopped talking again. He’s staring into the distance, from the outside of the cave and away from Armitage as though he _couldn’t_ look at Armitage at the moment.

It was still raining outside.

Trembling, Armitage squirmed closer against Ben, seeking for his warmth. Pride be damned, he’s cold. Ben’s body feels warmer than his.

“You should probably get some sleep,” Ben muttered, softly smiling at him.

Before Armitage could even answer his comment, a yawn left him. He couldn’t believe that he’d forgotten how _exhausted_ he was. “How about you?” Armitage asked, suppressing himself from yawning again. Surely, Ben must be tired too, right?

“One has to stay up to act as the look-out,” Ben explained. “I understand that you’re exhausted and sore so I’ll be the look-out. Besides…”

Armitage glances towards Ben’s face, finding that he is wearing that smug lopsided grin of his. Seeing this filled Armitage’s heart with warmth.

“...I am apparently the stronger one in this pair, do you not agree?”

Armitage rolled his eyes, scoffing, “I _can_ protect _you_ , Mister Ben Organa.”

“Surely,” Ben said, humming while Armitage moved to lay his head on his shoulder..

“If you’d like me to prove it, I would do so without any...” Once again, Armitage was interrupted by a yawn. Blood rushed to his cheeks in response to his tiny high-pitched meep of a yawn Ben chuckled softly and held his hand in his, brushing his thumb on the redhead’s knuckles. Armitage cleared his throat, finishing his sentence before he was so _rudely interrupted_. “...hesitation.”

“No,” Ben replied, “I would like to do this for you. Allow me do this, please...”

Of course, how can Armitage refuse Ben when he asked him ever so kindly?

 

* * *

 

They’re safe in here, Ben assures himself yet again for god-knows-how-many-times. For years, this cave had been Ben’s sanctuary whenever he was summoned by Snoke for another ‘lesson’. He hid here whenever his nerves tend to overcome him.

Armitage had fallen asleep within seconds after Ben had started humming a certain song his mother used to sing to him when he was a boy. Before this, Ben had to convince the redhead to rest his head on his thigh because he felt too embarrassed to do so. It was ridiculous. Succumbing to exhaustion and to Ben’s words, Armitage finally decided to just do as Ben had suggested.

The other man must be dreaming. His fingers were gently twitching while his face did that small scrunching of his forehead as he slept. Ben could only wonder what he was dreaming of. Hopefully, it’s something pleasant.

Slowly, he ran his fingers through Armitage’s bright red hair. There’s something enthralling with watching his own long pale white fingers strokes his companion’s soft red hair. He had never met anyone in Chandrila that had that bright of a red as their hair color before. It was the first thing he noticed when Armitage first arrived in their home. It reminded Ben of fire, of blood. He loves it.

Outside, the rain has stopped which Ben is grateful for because he could no longer bear the cold.

With only the weak pitter-patter echoing the rain that just poured down, the thought of what he had just done began to sink in.

Snoke is gone.

The man who had seduced him into becoming a monster and who had tried to pull him away from his family is dead.

That night, he only planned to sneak into Snoke’s mansion to see Armitage. Having gone in and out of the man’s mansion in the past, Ben knew exactly where to go and how to get in. As soon as he stepped into Armitage’s room in the mansion, Ben had the feeling that someone was watching them. He knew that feeling all too well to not know who it was who had been watching him. As much as it filled his heart with fear and made his blood run cold, Ben felt angry _for_ Armitage. He knew that the watcher had been gazing at an unsuspecting Armitage Hux hours before Ben got in. Right then and there, he wanted to tell Armitage everything - his past with Snoke, his own horrible monstrosity, his suspicions on Snoke’s intentions for him - but he was unable to. He got a _little_ distracted.

Ben encountered Snoke as soon as he’s left Armitage’s room just before he could leave the mansion’s premises entirely. The man did not look furious but Ben knew him well enough to know that behind his cold, emotionless facade is anger and disappointment. Snoke threatened to have him ostracized if he did not stay away from Armitage. However, Snoke overestimated himself with his own influence in Ben. He thought Ben was still as afraid of him as he had been in the past but he was wrong. He paid his life for that mistake.

Ben knew that he would not escape the consequences of his past actions by just killing Snoke. He knew those who are part of the First Order who were loyal to Snoke would come for his throat. Snoke was the Supreme Leader, the alpha of the pack, and killing him meant that Ben…

A sharp pain in his head cuts his line of thought. Ben winced as the pain persists and spreads. His body is feeling warmer than it was, his skin starts to prickle.

_No._

_Not now._

Anxiety and fear began pooling in the pit of his gut. He knows exactly what was happening - he is about to change. He doesn’t understand what could have triggered it. Most of the time, he can control this. _Most of the time._ Right now is one of the instances when he could not, for the life of him, control his body.

“ _Hux_ , wake up,” Ben rasped, his voice is sounding guttural and close to sounding more like a growl. He wanted to grab Armitage by his narrow shoulders and shake him but he didn’t trust his own hands. “Hux!”

 

* * *

 

“Hux!”

Armitage wakes up with a jolt, hearing Ben shouting his name. His companion sounded different. His voice is huskier and deeper than normal. Armitage sat up, turning his head to see what it was that got Ben completely terrified. Almost immediately, Ben shuffled backwards, moving as far as he can away from Armitage and keeping a certain distance from him.

“…Ben?”

“It’s fine, I’m fine, just -”

It was dark but not dark enough to fully engulf Ben in invisibility.

Ben is on his hands and knees, head bowed, shaking violently as he groaned and moaned in apparent pain. A sharp snap that sounded like several bones breaking coming from his direction followed by a blood-curdling scream had Armitage standing from the ground to rush towards Ben. Ben stopped him with another warning that he should stay away from him.

He smelled blood.

Horror-stricken, Armitage watched as Ben arched his back, his ears ringing with the sound of more bones breaking that somehow sounded louder than the sound of Ben’s screams. It was as if his bones were aligning themselves in a different position. Hair began to grow all over the man’s body in an alarming rate, covering his body. Long, sharp nails scratched on the rocky ground beneath over and over, making Armitage cringe from the sound of it.

Armitage’s blood went ice cold once Ben raises his head, seeing that his face was contorted by the fact that his jaw had been dislodged into a maw. His ears are now pointed and covered in hair.

“You -!” Armitage was flabbergasted. This shouldn’t come as a surprise to him. After all, Ben had already confessed to him that he is indeed the creature he saw in Snoke’s garden.

Seeing the creature - _Ben_ , Armitage reminded himself - up close is something else.

Panting, Ben stood up from the ground, finally showing himself to the redhead in all his wolfish glory. He’s taller than he was when he was human, his shoulders broader. He is covered in brownish black hair. He stared back at Armitage, tentative. Cautiously, Ben took a step towards him. He wobbled as he walked. He’s quiet, wildly looking everywhere but at Armitage. His breathing is shallow and loud.

Armitage swallowed the hard lump forming in his throat.

_This monster is Ben._

_This is the man you care about._

Armitage told himself this, over and over as if these statements were prayers that would save him.

Those bright hazel eyes, soft and uncertain and utterly beautiful are Ben’s. He isn’t a monster. It’s still Ben Organa who stood before him despite the mane of dark hair covering his body, the pointed ears, the hideous and possibly deadly maw, the sharp fangs and nails…

Brendol’s gashed neck, Snoke’s lifeless blue eyes staring at him flashed before his eyes.

Is Ben in complete control of this body?

What if he isn’t?

Clearly, he did not will this transformation into happening. He couldn’t control it. What more can he not control?

He doesn’t trust this creature. _No._

“G-Get back! Stay away from me!” Overcome with fear, those words just slipped out of his mouth.

Foolishly, Armitage could not stop his body from shaking violently in fear, from taking a step back and recoiling from _the creature_. He looked away from _it_ , unable to keep staring at _the creature_ and seeing in his mind how it tore his former benefactor’s body in half, killing him.

“Hux...” A high-pitched whine escaped Ben’s throat.

Looking back up at him, Armitage was immediately greeted by Ben’s crestfallen expression. He was disappointed, hurt - he’s _human_. Seeing him look like that made Armitage wish that he has the ability to turn back time and stop himself from reacting that way.

Before Armitage could say anymore, Ben fled, running out of the cave as fast as he could, not giving a single glance back at Armitage.

Armitage just stood there, frozen on the spot. From where Ben had transformed, something glinted as the subtle light of the moon hits it just right. It was the knife Ben used to kill Snoke’s manservants, the Praetorian guards.

Taking a sharp inhale, Armitage willed his body to move and he walked towards the knife, picked it up and ran after Ben.

_Idiot._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: [fandomfix8](http://fandomfix8.tumblr.com/)  
> Artist: [sirinstree](https://twitter.com/sirinstree/)  
> You can find me [here](https://mademoisellebianx.tumblr.com/) on tumblr.


	7. Caught in the Crossfire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Armitage confronts Ben about what happened in the cave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy new year, everyone! Here's to an amazing 20BiTeen! ;) May the Force be with us all.

_Do you trust me?_

_Yes._

He’s a monster. That was the very first thought he had when he saw himself the first time he transformed. What brought him comfort then was Snoke’s reassuring him that _that form_ was something his grandfather had once had and Snoke’s promises of lavish power that came with it. For a time, the only voice he listened to was Snoke’s.

With every murder Ben committed for Snoke – murders that Snoke disguised as his training – the voice of his conscience grew louder and louder until it was able to drown Snoke’s voice out.

There was only so much blood he can wash from his hands until he realizes that he is indeed the monster he thought himself to be in the beginning.

He’s seen the way people looked at him before he killed them without hesitation. Ben knows he is a monster. There is nothing he can do to change that. The first time Armitage saw him in this cursed form, the redhead had the same look of fear and confusion as the people he killed in the past. It was the same wide-eyed, pale-faced horror accompanied by the same high-pitched, blood-curdling wail. It didn’t hurt Ben then because he had been familiar with that reaction. He expected it.

After telling Armitage the truth, Ben thought Armitage would react differently. He thought that Armitage would no longer look at him fearfully as though he wanted to rip his throat out. However, Ben was foolishly wrong. The gentleman from Arkanis, upon seeing his changed form, was completely terrified and wanted him out of his sight. Despite fully knowing that the creature in front of him is Ben, Armitage was still filled with fear and _that_ hurt Ben. He would never hurt Armitage, but if Armitage doesn’t trust him enough to believe that then…

Ben stumbles, tripping on one protruding root of one of the trees around him. He fell awkwardly and painfully on the dew-covered grassy ground. Perhaps he deserved that. He was too caught up in his thoughts and emotions that he was unable to pay attention to where he was going. _Stupid._ It’s so typical of him to succumb to his emotions and get hurt in the end for doing so. Bitterly, he laughed but it came out more like a gruff bark.

Something damp touches his cheek, running fast to his chin.

Is it raining again?

Ben lifts his face, expecting to feel a drizzle of some sort but there is none. The wet trail running down his cheeks did not, however, stop and instead – oh, these are tears. _His_ tears. He’s crying and he couldn’t stop...

 

* * *

 

Still wet from the rain, the grass-covered ground him splashed rhythmically with each step Armitage made. He ran as fast as he could, hoping to catch up to Ben. Fortunately, the _werewolf_ – as Ben had called himself – had left a trail of footprints for Armitage to follow. However, there is no telling how fast Ben could move in that form so he might possibly be _miles_ away from him by now.

Although Ben did tell him that they were safe there, there is no telling if the creatures after them – the First Order – were able to locate them while he and Ben were resting in the cave. Out here, Ben is out in the open, alone and obviously not thinking straight. He’s vulnerable to those who were after him.

He shouldn’t have reacted that way, but seeing Ben’s body contort in such a grotesque way filled him with so much fear that he could not think of anything else.

Armitage is still terrified but what matters right now to him is Ben. He couldn’t let his fear dictate what he should and shouldn’t do. Not anymore. So Armitage pushes through with trying to find Ben Organa, walking further and further from their little sanctuary of a cave. Finally, he hears what sounded like a man groaning and moaning in pain. Taking the chance that it might be Ben who he was hearing, Armitage walked past several shrubs and trees to reach the source of that sound.

Finally, Armitage finds the young man back to his human form, kneeling on the ground and completely naked. Ben didn’t seem to notice him though. Armitage’s face burned as he realizes that this is the first time he’s ever seen Ben in a state of undress, luckily his privates are conveniently covered by a shadow cast from the other parts of his body. Then the shame that washed through him is immediately replaced by shock, confusion and concern when he spotted blood staining the man’s pale skin.

“Are you all right?!” Stammering in a panic, Armitage ran towards Ben and knelt in front of him, studying his face for any signs of pain whatsoever. It was difficult to do so since the raven-haired young man’s hair was covering his face like a veil while he refused to look at Armitage. Understandably, since Armitage just pushed him away moments ago, he’s still hurt by that.

“Ben...” Armitage pleaded. Taking the young man’s face in both hands, Armitage gently guides Ben’s face to look up.  Ben doesn’t fight this. “... _Ben_ , please talk to me.”

The redhead brushed away the strands of hair that clung to the young man’s face so that he could see him better. As he was doing so, Ben fixed his eyes on him, staring quietly. Up close, Armitage could see that there are tears clinging Ben’s dark eyelashes – _has he been crying_? His chest – his very broad and impressive chest, which Armitage could not resist taking note of – rising and falling as he panted heavily. Armitage holds his face in place, gazing into those light brown eyes he loves so dearly. Ben’s skin feels so warm against Armitage’s hands, quite contrary to what he should be – naked and exposed to the cool air like this.

“Are you hurt anywhere?”

“No…”

“The blood –?”

“I always bleed when I change,” Ben answered, voice hoarse from maybe screaming or groaning. When he noticed Armitage studying him, he added, “From the changes of the alignment of my bones and skin. The wounds always heal though. I am fine, Hux...just exhausted...”

Armitage nodded. He could only imagine how painful that was. Just seeing him transform a while back and hearing bones pop out of their sockets, hearing Ben screaming in agony were enough to tell him that it was not a pleasant experience on Ben’s part.

“You’re safe,” he muttered softly, more to himself than to Ben. “You’re all right.” He repeated the same words over and over as though he had to convince himself about that fact. Ben rests his forehead against his, their noses almost bumped against one another as he nodded his head slowly. He was no longer panting but his breathing was shallow. _Good_. His warm breath wafted against Armitage’s lips, tickling him.

Before Armitage could say more, Ben moved back from him, jolting away as though he had just touched a loudly whistling kettle.

“Hux…”

Ben stared aghast at whatever it was that stood behind Armitage. He could hear _growling_. The very same growling he’s heard from before. Quickly, Armitage turned around, reaching for the knife he brought with him and stood up in a haste. He found a large wolfish creature stalking towards them and growling menacingly, its amber eyes glowing like a full moon. It moved closer, crouching.

It’s about to attack.

“ _Hux_!”

The wolf jumped towards him, its mouth pulled to expose large, sharp teeth. Fortunately, Armitage was able to dodge his attack just in time. Armitage may not be the strongest but he is swift. However, the creature wasn’t after him and Armitage only realized that when it immediately went straight towards Ben as  soon as it landed from its failed attack. Ben hadn’t – _couldn’t_ – moved from the spot where Armitage left him.

Armitage knows the monster is stronger than he is and it is probably faster than he is but Ben is obviously unfit to do anything to defend himself given his current state. He sprints towards the monster, catching up to it before it could reach Ben. Aiming for its head, Armitage drove the knife down with all his might but the monster was able to duck. Fortunately, his efforts have not been in vain and the knife caught the monster’s shoulder, extracting a pained yelp from the creature.

_‘Ah, so this sort of mindless creature still feels pain.’_

Armitage was still able to complete a single thought before the monster turned around to swipe its paw towards his direction, missing Armitage’s abdomen by what could only millimeters. _That was a close call._ A little closer and his gut would have been ripped open by the monster’s sharp nails. He would have been dying right now – or dead in an instant – if he weren’t so lucky. Armitage staggered backwards, adding distance between him and the monster.

The monster growled loudly. Armitage stood between the monster and Ben, clutching the knife tighter as he watched the blood from the wound he inflicted on it dripping on the grass. It was growling nonstop, its focus still entirely on Ben. With the distance between Armitage and the monster, he could safely run away and leave the monster to finally get its target – be done with this mess, cut his ties with Ben Organa, live his life and forget all of this madness.

When the monster’s eyes shifted to finally look at Armitage, Armitage didn’t move out of the way and give the wolf what he came for. He flinched but stood his ground, even when the monster’s ears drew back, its snout wrinkling and shoulders squaring while it prepared to attack once again. Armitage’s heart pounded quicker and skipped a beat when the monster finally charged towards him.

Armitage was well aware that Ben was screaming at him but he was unable to hear him because the loud drumming of his heart overpowers the sound of Ben’s voice. The monster went after him with its maw and claws, scratching and biting while Armitage dodged its attack, sometimes only barely successfully doing so. Although he did attempt to stab and slice the monster in return, none of his attacks landed. Eventually, Armitage’s exhaustion overcame his body and he stumbled awkwardly when the monster tackled him.

The monster was on top of him in an instant, pinning him on the ground while he screamed in horror. Armitage pushed it and kicked it several times to get it off him but it was unfazed by all of his actions. He turned his head just in time to avoid it trying to bite his face off. The monster loomed closer, drool running down its mouth and dripping, dripping across Armitage’s face. _Absolutely disgusting._

People said when someone is looking straight into the eyes of Death, their life flashes before their very eyes. At that moment, Armitage _did_ see his life playing before him like it were a theater play but he was the sole audience – he saw his life in Arkanis, his childhood under the care of Maratelle and Brendol, the coup, Snoke, Chandrila, Ben. How horrible it must be to die this way, although it would be a noble death since he would be dying protecting Ben. But if he were to die here then Ben would be left to fend for himself and...

A loud gunshot erupted and the monster was forcefully tossed from on top of him. Breathlessly, Armitage sat up, watching the monster fall like a dirty sack of potatoes a few feet away from him. Its paws twitched violently and its chest rose and fell while it whined pathetically. It was shot! Blood began to pool around its spasming body.

“Ben!”

Armitage does not recognize that voice. It was from a female, slightly low-pitched. Not knowing if she’s friend or foe, Armitage quickly stood up even when his legs trembled and his muscles hurt, and turned around. A brown-haired young lady rushed towards Ben and she was followed by a dark-skinned man holding a flintlock pistol – given his distance from Armitage and the monster, it was impressive how he was able to shoot the monster precisely and fatally. Armitage kept his guard up, watching the pair carefully.

“Rey?” Ben gasped, suddenly self-conscious. He tried to cover himself as much as he can with his hands and Armitage, recognizing that name, understood why. The young lady making her way towards them is Rey Skywalker, Ben’s younger cousin. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“Saving your ass, apparently!” Rey snarled. Her face scrunched in displeasure while she ungracefully stomped her feet as she walked towards her naked cousin. She looked like she wanted to scold him but was stopping herself to do so.

Armitage awkwardly stood from where he was, watching as Rey stepped back as the young man with her – he heard her call him Finn – handed Ben a cloak to cover himself with. Rey stared at him warily, just as he did when they first showed up.

“Mayor Organa asked us to look for you,” Finn explained as Ben wraps the cloak over his shoulders, covering himself. After he was sure that Ben is properly covered, Finn helped him up. “Luckily, Rey knew where to find you.”

“Are they –?”

“They’re all right,” Rey answered, reassuringly and without hesitation, “The First Order has not come to attack the mansion yet but I am certain that it will be the first place they’ll go to find you. Leia and Han are in the lake retreat and we’re bringing you there.”

Ben was still _obviously_ weak and had to lean his weight against Finn as he attempted to stand up. He wanted to argue, Armitage noticed that with the way his lower lip trembled as he opened and quickly closed his mouth, but he was too exhausted.

“That man…” Rey said, indicating Armitage with a raise of her chin, “...who is he, Ben?”

“Armitage Hux…”

“Ah,” Rey made a noise that sounded like she’s already heard a long explanation and introduction of Armitage from Ben instead of just hearing his name. Armitage does not know what to feel from that – on one hand he’s embarrassed by the realization that Ben might have talked to his cousin about him more than once, while on the other hand, he’s filled with _pride._

“I am coming with Ben,” Armitage interjected, ignoring how Ben glanced towards his direction in a snap, wide-eyed as though he did not understand what Armitage just said. Once again, Ben opened his mouth to say something foolish or sentimental, Armitage doesn’t know – he just knows that he wouldn’t listen to him.  

The girl, Rey, immediately spoke up to silence his protests, smirking, “Well, then, do keep up, Mister Hux...”

 

* * *

 

Armitage never had siblings. He was also unable to meet any of his relatives in both Maratelle and Brendol’s side so Ben and Rey’s interactions were a bit new to him. Watching Rey berate Ben like there was no tomorrow and watching Ben scowl and pout at her words in response to all of this filled Armitage with a feeling of envy. Try as he might, he couldn’t fight that feeling off. It was sweet and absolutely adorable in its childish and petty way...and Armitage, having never had that with anyone before, feels utterly _jealous_. As a child, Armitage yearned for that sort of interaction – that sort of playful exchange with a sibling or a cousin but Brendol never allowed him the ‘luxury’ of any of this.

Up close, Rey looks eerily similar to Ben. Armitage could have easily mistaken her as his sibling if he didn't already know that she is his cousin. They both have the same large, expressive hazel brown eyes that are reminiscent of Mayor Organa’s eyes and they have the same charming lopsided grin that Armitage has seen on Han Solo. However, she also has features that are completely different from Ben like her strong jawline, her small, mousy nose, thin lips and her dark brown hair.

Finn, from what Armitage gathered, is a kind young man. Armitage doesn’t know what his relation with the Organa and Skywalker family is but he seems to care about Rey and Ben. He moves and acts extremely cautious and holds and just fired a gun like he was a natural. Finn led them out of the forest and to where they left their carriage, where the horses were _fortunately_ unharmed.

Rey drove the carriage while Finn stayed with her so that if they were attacked by the First Order, he could quickly kill them. Inside, the quarter shook as Rey had the horses run as fast as they could. Armitage tried to keep his balance on his seat while Ben stumbled and leaned his whole weight against him. Ben was heavy which only made it difficult for Armitage to keep them both upright when Armitage couldn’t keep himself upright. By the time that they arrived in the lake retreat, Armitage’s arms and legs were shaking and sore from all the effort that he’s exerted.

“Ben!”

Han was the one who welcomed them. His face brightened as soon as he saw that Ben was still in one piece. The older man looked fine and he had no glaring injuries that could be seen, much to Ben’s relief. The father and son embraced each other for a bit before Han, after thanking Finn and Rey for finding Ben, finally suggested that Ben rest. Trepeaux escorted Ben away from Han and Armitage who awkwardly stood next to the carriage.

From a distance, Rey talked to Finn in a hushed tone, asking him to go home and thanking him for helping her look for her cousin. Her voice was trembling. In the same hushed, gentle tone, Finn reassured her that he was all right to be there for her and her family.

“I am sure that you have several questions, Mister Hux,” Han said.

Armitage does have a lot of questions. From Ben’s story, he had the impression that not one person in Ben’s family knew what he went through when he ran away from home and what he was still going through.

They find Leia in a bed room, standing by a window and looking out through it. She turned to look at him and Han as soon as she heard them enter, the subtle natural blue light from outside illuminating the angles of her face. It was difficult to read her expression.

“Good evening, Mayor Organa,” Armitage greeted her, nodding respectfully. He tried to ignore the slight tremble of his voice. He should not be so nervous, Leia had been so kind to him since Snoke had introduced them. However, there was no telling how she could react to him discovering her son’s secrets. Maybe she would ask him what Ben has told him, force every bit of information out of him. Or have him killed because he knows too much.

“Good evening, Mister Hux,” Leia replied, “Please, have a seat. I’m sure you’re terribly exhausted from all of this.”

There was nothing in the room to sit on but the bed. Although it was extremely rude in Arkanis for the guest to sit on the bed of their hosts, Armitage was more than grateful to finally be able to rest his aching legs. Muttering a soft ‘thank you’, Armitage sat down on the very edge of the bed, sighing and almost tempted to lay himself down on it to sleep.

“It’s unfortunate, truly, what happened to your father,” Leia started, “I’m sorry we were unable to personally go to his wake to show our condolences.”

“It’s all right, Mayor. Ben was there to represent you. I understand that you are a very busy woman.”

“And Snoke did not invite us,” Han mumbled underneath his breath, shrugging his shoulders. Armitage barely heard and understood him. _Barely._ Armitage glanced in his direction and he smiled softly, acknowledging what he said. He himself had that specific suspicion.

“You’ve seen Ben’s secret,” Leia said, cutting to the chase. The mere mention of Ben’s name quickly got Armitage’s attention.

“Yes.”

There was no point lying about it.

“I’m certain you have a lot of questions.”

“I do…”

Sighing, Leia massages her temples. “The existence of werewolves wasn’t new to my family. My birth father, Anakin Skywalker, became one after he betrayed the Jedi and became a Sith. It was our deepest, darkest secret. When he died, the Jedi, the Sith and even the werewolves disappeared.

“Snoke moved into Chandrila not long before Ben disappeared. He was an odd man. I knew there was something extremely _wrong_ about him but I just could not put my finger on it.

“I’m sure you’ve heard about the mysterious deaths that plagued the town so imagine our fear while Ben was missing for a long while. We had suspicions that a werewolf was behind the attacks.

“Since Ben was born, a certain darkness kept following him. He is a great target for a werewolf or a Sith - either of these - because the blood of Anakin Skywalker flows through his veins.

“Ben returned to us but he was acting very strangely. He became completely aloof, quiet - he was keeping something from us.

“Rey was the one who exposed Ben to me, although we promised not to tell Ben that she did. She saw him in wolf form killing a man and Ben had no choice but tell her the truth. Snoke was responsible for everything. He brainwashed Ben, made him join the First Order and turned him into his attack dog. Ben was to kill people while he is out in public so that the suspicions around him would disappear.

“I suspected that Snoke had Ben pinned to a corner. As much as I wanted to run him out of town, I was scared with what he might do to Ben once I did so. Not to mention that I am not too aware how vast his influence among the people of Chandrila is and so we try to cover up the deaths caused by my son and by that _monster_...”

“Snoke is dead,” Armitage said, “Ben killed him himself.”

Leia takes a deep breath, surprise in her brown eyes which then morphed into relief. “I see,” she said, smiling.

“Ben told me the old bastard was the Alpha of the First Order. Doesn’t killing Snoke mean that he is automatically the new Alpha now?”

“I believe it isn’t as simple as that, Mister Hux,” answered the mayor with a slight shake of her head, “Snoke had been Supreme Leader for decades. He has loyal followers and friends who would see to it that a traitor to their pack would not be the one who would replace him…”

Snoke had been the leader for decades. Armitage could only guess that in that long span of time, he must have gathered several loyalists. Snoke was charming enough of a man to have pleased a lot of people. There would be more monsters that would look for Ben.

As though reading his mind, Leia chimed in, “Ben seems to care about you a whole lot. I wouldn’t let those bastards hurt the man my son fancies.”

Armitage smiled. He doesn’t like making promises because he usually does not intend on keeping any of them but _this_ he wants to keep. “I will not let them take your son away from us.”

 

* * *

 

Leia asked Trepeaux to escort Armitage to his room in the retreat but Armitage insisted that he bring him first to Ben’s room. He was certain that he could not sleep, even if he’s terribly exhausted, until he has ensured that Ben was all right. Trepeaux left him in front of Ben’s room after telling him where his room was, giving him the privacy he needed.

Armitage opened the door as slowly and as quietly as he can. The room was dark, only illuminated by a single lamp on the pedestal table beside the bed where Ben laid. Armitage walked closer towards the bed, watching the dark-haired man who was motionless besides the small rising and falling of his shoulders as he breathed in and out.

The crusted blood and dirt that tainted Ben’s pale skin from the forest had been washed away. He slept peacefully, surrounded by the white sheets and pillows that contrast his stark dark hair and it reminded Armitage of spilled ink on a piece of paper. In his sleep, Ben looked far more vulnerable than he really is - well, perhaps all people are. Armitage reached in and brushed a stray strand of hair that was on Ben’s face unable to help himself.

“Oh…” Armitage said, sucking in a breath. Despite the gentleness (Armitage was certain he was as gentle as he could) in his action, Ben still stirred in his sleep. Groaning, Ben opened his eyes, staring at him. He could only imagine how he looked in the dark, looking down on him like that. “...I’m sorry for waking you up...”

The silence was deafening and uncomfortable but it was made all the more unbearable by Ben looking away from him.

“May I sit here?” Armitage asks, tapping on the spot of the bed where he could see the outline of Ben’s feet underneath the bed sheet.

Ben nodded his head and Armitage sat down, fidgeting his fingers anxiously. He doesn’t know what to say. Perhaps, he should start by apologizing. “I’m sorry for how I reacted in the cave…”

“It’s fine,” Ben muttered.

Even though that was what Ben was telling him, Armitage was certain that he was lying. He’s still hurt by it.

“Ben…”

“I know I’m a monster, Hux,” Ben said, sounding small and distant. “I scare people when they catch a glimpse of me in that form. It was foolish and irresponsible of me to expect that of you.”

A monster - that’s what Ben just called himself. Of course he would think of himself as a monster. Snoke made him kill several people. There’s too much blood in his hands and claws for him not to consider himself a monster. However, he is still Ben, isn’t he? He isn’t completely a monster, is he? He’s still human...

“I’ll do better next time. For you,” Armitage answered, looking at Ben who was making himself look as small as he can, curling in on himself on his side. ‘ _I’ll do anything for you,’_ that’s what he wanted to tell Ben but he feels as though that was an understatement. Slowly, he pivots the upper half of his body, making sure that Ben could see him and making sure that he was looking Ben in the eye as he tells him, “I love you, Ben.”

Ben sat up all of a sudden, his eyes wide with shock and lower lip quivering. “Say that again,” he said a little bit too demanding for Armitage’s liking. Armitage’s slight disapproval of Ben’s tone must have been obvious on his face because Ben repeated what he said but spoke more gently this time, “Say it again, please.” He was brimming with excitement but there was still anxiety and disbelief in his eyes. He must be thinking that he’s hearing things.

Taking pity of him, Armitage quickly crushed that building anxiety and disbelief and slowly enunciated the words he’s already told him, “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

The next thing Armitage knew is that Ben was holding his face to his, their lips pressed against each other in a soft kiss. Heart fluttering, Armitage melts against Ben. In that moment, he lets himself forget about what happened to Brendol and Snoke, and forget about the damned werewolves that were currently after them. He surrendered himself to Ben and only Ben.

Strange how a single _moment_ with someone could make one believe that he is invincible.

Ben was the one to pull away first. He looked at Armitage shyly, grinning from ear to ear. Let the First Order come, let all hell break loose so that they could go and get Ben away from his family. From _him_. Armitage would love to see them try. Staring into the raven-haired boy’s light brown eyes, Armitage firmly vowed to never let him go, even if it meant he had to get his hands dirty and soaked in blood.

Armitage didn’t go to the bed room in the retreat Trepeaux told him to stay in but instead stayed in Ben’s room and slept soundly in his arms. The last conscious thought he had before falling asleep was how he wished that he and Ben could stay like that forever.

 

* * *

 

Alas, no matter how much Armitage _wanted_ it, they couldn’t stay like that forever.

Armitage was awoken by a loud banging on the door. He sat up in haste, ignoring how his vision immediately began spinning because of the sudden rush of blood to his head. His instincts told him to look for a weapon - _any weapon_ \- that he can use to defend him and Ben.

_Bam!_

Where did he put his knife?

_Bam!_

The darkness in the room rendered him unable to see anything. With trembling hands, he fumbled on the bed, wondering if he’s irresponsibly left the knife there.

_Bam!_

He could hear someone talking from outside, her voice muffled.

His pulse quickens with each loud bang on the door.

“Hux.”

Armitage jumped at the sensation of someone’s hand against his shoulder. He loudly sucked in a breath before turning around and meeting Ben’s stare. His stare was emotionless, similar to that of a mannequin which had Armitage’s pulse spiking in terror.

“Ben?”

“It’s Rey,” Ben said, giving Armitage’s shoulder a squeeze.

“What does she want?” His voice was trembling - oh, it’s not just his voice, his whole body was shivering. There was nothing else that would warrant such urgency from Rey but what Armitage was suspecting to happen has happened.

He doesn’t want it to happen. He doesn’t want to hear it. He doesn’t want -

Ben opened the door, allowing Rey in.

“They’re _outside_ ,” Rey panted, her brown eyes wide with horror. “Finn is guarding Han and Leia just in case…” Her voice cracked but she quickly cleared her throat to try to cover it up. She didn’t finish her sentence. She glanced towards Armitage and it was only then that he realized that her eyes were wet. “I believe this belongs to you,” she said, handing him the knife he had just been looking for and then a pistol. She told him, “Surely, you can fire a pistol. You will need it.”

“Thank you.”

“I’ll join the others,” Rey said, turning her attention back to Ben.

“There’s no need for that,” Ben answered, “It’s me they want. I will handle this.”

“No,” Rey’s response was firm. She stood tall, squaring her shoulders as though she was ready for a physical fight rather than a verbal one. She continued, “We won’t let them get anywhere near you, Ben...”

Ben regarded her quietly. He didn’t say anything but the conflict inside him was too apparent. He might as well have told her that he didn’t know what to do. But of course he didn’t do that. He quickly relented and finally, Rey left the room.

“I suppose I could not convince you to stand back and just let me handle this?”

Armitage sighed, moving his eyes from the knife’s blade then locking eyes with Ben. The corner of Ben’s lips twitched as though he wanted to say something more, but the howls from outside stopped him.

“Look away,” Ben told him, “I have to turn. We don’t have any chance against them if I don’t.”

 

* * *

 

Screaming. Ben is still screaming. It aches to hear him.

_‘Don’t listen.’_

Bones are popping out of their sockets and then snapping in its new place.

_‘Distract yourself.‘_

A gunshot rang from outside their room - _the First Order is there_ . The thunderous sound of heavy footsteps followed. Several more gunshots are fired afterwards. A man was shouting, demanding someone to _move, move, move_ -

Armitage’s breath hitched, tightening his grip on the handle of the knife. His heart was beating too fast for comfort. It felt like his chest would explode any second. He closed his eyes, feeling extremely light-headed while a tremor passes through his whole body.

There’s a banging on the door again and it’s louder now and more insistent. The door is already just barely keeping the monsters out. With each bang, a crack forms, its surface splintering.

“ _Ben_!”

Armitage stood paralyzed as the door finally shattered open and in came a group of creatures that were similar to Snoke’s Praetorian guards. They stood on their hind legs, growling, their glowing yellow eyes glued on Ben. Following their gaze, Armitage glanced towards Ben, fighting his fear.

Ben stood behind Armitage, fully transformed in all his wolfish glory. His fur-covered chest heaving while he breathed deeply, perhaps trying to distract himself from the pain brought about by the transformation.

“Young Ben,” said one of the werewolves, speaking Ben’s name as though it were poison on his tongue.

Backing away, Armitage stood beside Ben, pointing his pistol at the wolf that spoke. He glared at the _thing,_ daring it to come closer or to do _anything_ to Ben. They wouldn’t get to him without getting through him first,  Armitage vowed. They have to kill him if they want Ben.

There was chuckling and snickering from the group. He wasn’t intimidating them, not one bit. But of course. He, a thin, weak man, had no chance against an _army_ of supernatural beings.

“You killed Supreme Leader Snoke,” continued the werewolf who had already spoken. He ignored Armitage. It was as if he were nothing but a pesky fly buzzing, buzzing around him. “For his life, you have to pay with yours!”

“Stay close to me and follow my lead.”

When the werewolves took a step closer, Armitage felt Ben’s hand pull him behind him as though to shield him. However, Ben didn’t stand still and act like an immobile shield. Instead, he charged towards the group, growling like a wild animal. His fangs and claws are bared, ready for bloodshed.

Taking a deep breath, Armitage followed suit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: [fandomfix8](http://fandomfix8.tumblr.com/)  
> Artist: [sirinstree](https://twitter.com/sirinstree/)  
> You can find me [here](https://mademoisellebianx.tumblr.com/) on tumblr.


	8. I'll Use You as a Warning Sign

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben assumes what Armitage wanted and needed. He was wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Title is from Amber Run's song titled 'I Found'. ^_^

It’s coming at him with sharp teeth and claws, ready to kill him.

A  memory flashed before his eyes.

_Armitage gracelessly fell on his back on the ground. He gasped for breath as he clutched at the wound as if any sort of pressure he would apply on that area could save him from bleeding out. To his death._

“Hux, watch out!” Ben shouted, pulling him back to the present and out of the memory of his nightmare.

Armitage didn’t have time to think. He let his body move on its own, shooting at the werewolf that managed to dodge Ben and had lunged towards him. He gasped, the pistol recoiling after he pulled the trigger. He watched the creature flung backwards at the impact before falling on the ground with a wet splat. It didn’t move once it hit the ground.

He sucked in a breath - _his lungs were burning._ When did he start holding his breath?

The werewolves kept coming and coming, snarling and growling and ready to spill blood. His hands were shaking, his palms sweating. He’s scared but he could not let that stop him. Even if holding the pistol and knife tight became harder, Armitage fought back the desire to stop. He shot and stabbed at the next few wolves that attacked him while he followed Ben who was running out of the room. It was just so easy to think that they were simply wounding and killing mindless, ghoulish giant wolves.

Ben told him to follow his lead. With the monsters barging into their sanctuary and cornering them, there is not much of an option, is there?

Ben was more beast than man in this form, as Armitage had expected. This was the first time Armitage was able to see Ben doing anything other than running away in his wolfish body. He was surprised to find his movements to be so captivating despite how brutish and gawky they were. It was like watching a huge, well-oiled machine at work. There wasn’t anything so fascinating watching it but still, he could not keep his eyes away. There’s so much power exuding from every step he took. It filled Armitage with a sense of fear, but it also strangely filled him with excitement and pride. This powerful, dangerous man and monster is his; just as he belonged to the monster.. A shiver ran through his spine.

They find Finn and Rey in the far corner of the hallway, back to back as they were surrounded by wolves. While the pair did their utmost best to keep themselves from getting mauled to death by half a dozen werewolves, Armitage noticed that Han and Leia were nowhere to be found. It seems that Ben must have noticed that since he suddenly became completely rabid, charging towards the wolves. The monsters didn’t stand a chance to defend themselves from Ben’s fury.

“Where are my parents?” Ben demanded, moving across the pile of dead bodies around Finn and Rey. Armitage followed him from behind. He looked ahead, not wanting to see the vile, disgusting  mess Ben had created. Unfortunately, he could still smell blood.

“They’re _safe_ ,” Rey said, breathlessly. She panted for breath and wobbled a bit. Finn stood by her side, holding her hip and letting her lean against him.

The pair looked completely exhausted but they’re in one piece - a few cuts, gashes and bruises but they’re _all right_. Armitage didn’t know why that thought filled him with relief. He barely knew Finn and Rey. He had no business to be so attached to these people but he still is. Perhaps, it’s because the pair actually saved him and Ben from before or the fact that they’re family to Ben, the man he loves.

“I told them and the others to hide in the cellar as soon as we caught sight of the First Order from outside and I asked them to wait while we fought them off,” Finn explained. “They’re armed, away from danger and completely safe, Ben.”

Ben looked like he wanted them to elaborate, to demand to see them as soon as possible. He stopped himself when they heard growling and a very familiar tapping sound - that damned tapping sound that was so familiar now to Armitage - followed by loud footfalls.

Finn groaned, sounding extremely exasperated, “Just how many enemies do you have, Ben?”

“Snoke had a lot of followers.”

“Where are yours?” Rey asked sarcastically, which Ben purposefully ignored. Armitage didn’t need to look at her to know that she was grinning from ear to ear.

At the far end of the opposite hallway, several wolves charged towards them. There were, from Armitage’s point of view, about a dozen or more heading towards them. Some of them stood on their hind legs the way Ben does and some of them ran on all fours like ravenous, barbaric animals. They were snarling under their breaths while they came closer.

They are clearly outnumbered. In their current state of apparent exhaustion, they don’t stand a chance against them. If it were up to Armitage, now is the perfect time to run and hide with Leia, Han and the others. Surely, they couldn’t win this. He was about to suggest this when Ben, the complete buffoon, ran towards their enemies as if to welcome them.

He wanted to fight them, apparently.

Armitage and Finn opened fire, sometimes missing but other times hitting and also instantly killing their targets even before they can reach Ben.

Ben runs into one of the members of the First Order, sending them to the ground where they were more vulnerable. They struggled against one another but quickly, Ben overpowers the fool, lashing its neck open with his sharp nails. However, as soon as he was able to stand, his enemies had him surrounded.

“Ben!”

Quickly, Armitage pointed his pistol towards them, pulling the trigger but then nothing happened. The pistol just let out a clicking sound. He’s out of bullets, it seems. That’s unfortunate. Behind him, Finn clicked his tongue, lowering his gun and pulling a knife from its sheath which was attached to his belt - he’s also ran out of bullets.

Rey was the first one to come running to Ben’s aid, catching one werewolf hard on the head with the blunt end of her staff before the monster could lunge at her cousin. Letting out a loud roar, she swung her staff over with all her might. Finn and Armitage followed after her and they heard a loud crack from her direction. The werewolf fell on the ground. It’s frightening how someone as small and lithe as Rey could be so strong, brave and dangerous. It seems she is more similar to Ben than Armitage had previously thought.  

Without hesitation, Armitage stabbed the first creature he’s seen whose guard was down. It took effort driving the knife in the creature’s back as his wrist and his arm were already cramping. The werewolf howled in pain, desperately reaching behind him to pull the knife stuck between its shoulder blades. Armitage beats the creature to it, gritting his teeth as he pulled the knife. However, he was unable to predict the monster pivoting and catching him by his throat. The air was pushed out of his lungs as the monster slams him against the floor, its hand closed tight around his neck. The knife slipped out of his grip while he thrashed from the creature’s grasp.

The monster’s hand was big enough to wrap around his whole neck. Armitage choked as it squeezed his neck tighter and harder, cutting off his oxygen. With all his might and with all the strength that was left in his body, he grabbed the creature’s hand, scratching and digging in his nails. When that didn’t work, he kicked the monster to try to get him off of him. Unfortunately, all his efforts had been futile as the monster was seemingly unfazed by all his struggling and kicking.

At the corner of his eye, he could see Finn and Rey both incredibly busy with defending themselves. They didn’t even notice him.

“ _B-Ben_!” He rasped, desperately.

It hurt to talk.

Panic seized him as dark spots began to dance in front of his eyes.

_Tap. Tap. Tap._

“There’s more of them!” Rey screamed.

“No, they’re -”

Ben was saying something more to Rey but Armitage could no longer hear it. All he could hear was his blood pumping in his ears.

From above, he heard a yelp and felt the tight grip around his neck easing at the same time. Armitage gasped for breath, taking as much air as he can into his aching, empty lungs. He coughed pathetically, head pounding and vision spinning.

“Hux...Hux…”

Ben approached him in a haste, kneeling down so that they’re looking at each other’s eyes. He breathlessly called Armitage’s name over and over. He held his face in his large hands, gently, quite the contrary to the monster’s hand around his neck. It’s comforting. Ben’s eyes scrutinized Armitage from head to toe, maybe to see whatever harm was brought to him by the monster.

“Ben…” Armitage gasped, gibbering like an idiot. “The First Order...they...we have to…”

“My Knights are here.”

“Your…?”

“The Knights of Ren,” Ben explained. “My followers, my brothers. They’re loyal to me as the Praetorian guards had been loyal to Snoke. They’re here to help us.”

Armitage looked around and found seven more werewolves heading their way. It was difficult to differentiate them from their enemies. Ben was watching them, brown eyes bright. He held Armitage close to him, keeping him close to him. It was strange how tightly he was holding him. As though his life depended on it, especially since Ben had just stated that help was here. Not that Armitage was complaining. Ben’s arms tightly wrapped around him felt warm and nice. Armitage leaned against him, meaning to rest his head on his furry shoulder but stopped himself when he spots a gash there. Blood pulsed out of it, making his fur sticky and wet.

“You’re bleeding,” Armitage gasped, hating himself for stating the obvious.

Ben just nodded his head. He didn’t seem to care about his own wound.

There are still yelps, whimpers, snarling and growling from around them but it’s getting softer and softer...until there was silence.

 

* * *

 

Ben was reunited with his parents afterwards. His Knights followed him around and didn’t interact with Rey, Finn or Armitage. Finn tried to speak to them, coax them to talk but his charm didn’t work on them. As intimidating as the seven werewolves were, Armitage was not concerned by their presence, not with Ben by his side, holding his hand in his.

Han and Leia held their son in their arms, completely unbothered by his wolfish features. Ben openly sobbed against them, apologizing profusely while his parents express their relief and assuring that everything is okay.

_Everything is okay._

With the piles of dead bodies they had left, Armitage hoped that Leia was speaking the truth. He hoped everything is all right and that no one will come for them ever again. Ben deserved that much, doesn’t he?

Although exhaustion was crippling their bones, they knew they had to get rid of all the bodies that littered the halls of the retreat. It was almost sunrise when they finished getting rid of the corpses. Surprisingly, the Knights of Ren helped as well. It was a mystery to Armitage where the Knights and Ben brought the corpses and what they intended to do with them but he tried to not think about it while he bathed and cleaned the crusted blood off his skin.

Once he’s bathed himself and changed his clothes, he laid himself on the bed where he and Ben had laid on previously. He fell asleep in no time, only stirring half-awake when he felt himself being enveloped by a pair of familiar arms and pulled closer against someone’s warmth.

He slept peacefully, as if he didn’t almost die that night.

 

* * *

 

Armitage woke up at tickling hot breath against the back of his neck. He could hear someone snoring ever so softly against him. The sound was adorable. Armitage caught himself smiling as he leaned closer to the man holding him from behind. He wanted to be as close as possible to him, if their bodies could simply morph into one, he would not complain. Quietly, he gently ran his pointer finger on the arm that held him by his chest, tracing it as though he were drawing on a canvas.

Even with his light touches, he was still able to wake the snoring beast from his slumber.

“The things I would give up to see this beautiful sight in front of me,” voice thick from sleep, Ben said dreamily, “every single morning, every time I wake up.”

Armitage moaned as he felt the man’s soft plump lips pressing against the back of his neck which was most probably moist from his sweat. He ignored the sharp pain that accompanied that kiss. His neck hurts, probably bruised from the werewolf almost choking him to death.

Ben noticed him wince and quickly apologized.

“You could see me every morning, for as long as you like, you don’t have to give anything up,” Armitage said, surprised by how hoarse his voice was. It also hurt to speak, it seems, but he needed to tell Ben all of this. “I’ll stay with you for as long as you’ll have me.”

He meant every word he told Ben and to prove it, he turned his head to kiss Ben on the lips. Ben moaned, catching his lips with his and kissing him in return.

 

* * *

 

On their way to the dining hall, Armitage found it surprising and impressive how utterly clean the hallways of the retreat were. The marble floor, as well as the white walls were completely spotless. It was as if nothing happened. However, even when the retreat was as clean as it was the moment before the First Order attacked, the people inside bore the evidence of what happened last night. Han and Leia looked far more jaded. They tried to smile and look as though nothing was wrong when Ben approached them and planted a kiss on each of their cheeks. Rey was nowhere to be found along the dining table, most likely still asleep. Finn looked rather chipper, but Armitage didn’t miss the dark bags beneath his bloodshot eyes.

Armitage was certain he looked like utter shit.

Eating breakfast with the Organa family was quite an experience. Armitage had been so used to feeling tensed and anxious, used to eating in silence while sharing a table with Brendol, Maratelle and Snoke. Ben and Han’s playful banter while they ate took him by surprise. Armitage could not help but smile while watching Ben squirm and blush while his father teased him and told Armitage several embarrassing moments of his teenage years.

Armitage spent the whole day simply watching Ben and his family and by the end of the day, he’s convinced that he couldn’t imagine being with anyone else’s family but Ben’s. With them, not once did he feel out of place or unwanted. He felt like he _belonged_ , that he wasn’t something that simply exists there to be _tolerated_.

This is where he belongs.

 

* * *

 

The bed shifted and creaked against his weight.

He felt his companion stir beside him and immediately his blood went cold. He held  his breath, not moving a muscle and begging that he didn’t wake him up. Patiently, he waited for any signs that he’s interrupted his companion’s sleep.

His companion didn’t stir.

He then stood up from the bed and left without turning back.

 

* * *

 

“Ben, wait!”

If it weren’t the fact that Armitage was sounding like he was about to collapse due to the lack of air, Ben would not have stopped walking. Armitage was able to catch up to him despite Ben changing his form and running as fast and as quietly as he can. Ben doesn’t know if he should be annoyed or impressed by that. This is also the second time he was able to catch up to him when he purposefully ran away from him.

Once Armitage has caught up to him, he stumbled clumsily, exhausted and legs probably weak and aching. If Ben’s reflexes were not fast enough, Armitage would have slammed his face on the ground. Steadying himself in the raven-haired man’s arms, Armitage looked up, panting and sweating and completely a mess.

“How dare you,” Armitage said, accusingly, while he crudely clawed Ben’s fur-covered chest. There was no malice in his voice, only pain and disbelief. His eyes are wet, Ben noticed. “Leaving your family behind without a word or a letter of goodbye. Again. Your mother will be crushed, Ben! I cannot believe that you are going to let her experience that heart break again –”

“I can’t let them carry my burden anymore,” Ben said, cutting off Armitage. “You saw what happened last night. I cannot drag my family in this mess I made. And you,” He closed his eyes, sighing, “I don’t want any more harm to come to you…”

“So you simply decided to fuck off without as much as thinking how I would feel about you leaving me?”

“I just wanted to protect you, Hux.”

“ _Protect me_ ?” Armitage snorted, fighting the urge to roll his eyes at that. “Protect me from _what_ exactly, Ben?”

“From me!”

“ _You_?” Armitage was taken aback by his answer. He squinted his eyes at him, staring at him as though he has just told him something absolutely baffling - which he just did. Even after everything they’ve been through Ben still feels the need to get away from him because he fears that he might hurt him?

“Hux, I’m the Supreme Leader of the First Order now,” Ben explained. “I have - I have responsibilities in the pack. My Knights are counting on me. They're waiting for me. I can’t,” he stammered, “I can’t stay with my family and I can’t stay with you anymore. You almost lost your life one too many times last night and I -”

“Ben,” Armitage said, interrupting him. Ben kept glancing from his bruised up neck to his face and back to his neck - he couldn’t help himself. Looking at those dark blue spots that littered his pale neck was torture. Armitage knew he’s blaming himself for it, that he felt like it was his fault that Armitage got hurt. It was. If he didn’t act like an idiot and fight the First Order even when they were clearly outnumbered, then Armitage would not have those hideous bruises.

“Look at me,” Armitage was practically begging now and this worked. “ _Please_.”

He didn’t expect the redhead to approach him and hold his face to guide him to look at him. Ben lets him. They’ve gone a long way from Armitage running away from the sight of him to _this_ , Ben noted to himself.

“I love you so much,” Ben said, his voice cracking.

“I told you that I shall stay with you for as long as you’ll have me. I chose you and I will always and will continuously choose you no matter what, do you understand? ”

Ben nodded.

“I want to come with you, all right? I want to be by your side always and, if possible, forever no matter wherever the hell you will go…” Armitage continued. He’s blabbering but Ben listened to every word he said, knowing that he’s most honest and sincere when he talks like this. “You don’t need to protect me from you, Ben. Your darkness does not scare me.”

It took Ben’s breath away when Armitage pressed their lips together. He almost forgot that he was not in his normal body because Armitage was kissing him so softly, his eyes tenderly closed. How can Armitage kiss him when he’s in this hideous, monstrous form?

A sob escaped Ben. Quickly, Armitage released his lips and stepped away from Ben like he’s burned him. Armitage looked like he would turn away from him, run away because he thought he’s overstepped Ben’s boundaries. He didn’t.

“Why did you stop?” Ben chuckled before leaning towards him and continued what Armitage started, kissing him. His heart was pounding too fast for comfort. He ignored the voices that tried to convince him that Armitage is still scared of him, that Armitage is disgusted by his changed form. That’s not the case, is it? Armitage was leaning against him, moaning and wrapping his arms around his neck to pull him closer.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Ben panted as their lips parted. Their rapid breaths puffing over each other’s lips. They’re so close to one another, breathing the same air. Ben could easily feel the hardness between Armitage’s legs pressing against his thigh. Armitage clung to him, pressing his face in the crook of Ben’s neck, refusing to look at Ben after he noticed his erection.

“I want you,” Ben whispered. “Right here, right now.”

They’re out in the open. It may be late and dark out but it is still possible for someone to see them but Ben does not care. In fact, the thought of making love to Armitage here out in the open thrills him. Perhaps, he’s gone completely mad. Armitage might not like that and Ben would never do anything Armitage wasn’t comfortable doing.

Ben stared at Armitage, surprised to see that his eyes were shimmering with what Ben easily recognized as lust.

He’s seen that look before.

“I want you, Ben Organa,” Armitage said, breathing heavily. His face completely red. His eyes were focused on him and Ben could not help but drown in the greenness of his eyes. “All of you. Right here, right now,” Armitage sighed, beaming, and then he added, “ _Forever_.”

Armitage laid himself on the grassy ground, wincing in discomfort and disgust - maybe it’s the dew, the mud, and the small insects. He continued to drag Ben down to follow him there, ignoring the annoyance he felt. Once Ben was on top of Armitage, he started undressing him from waist down. Armitage lets him, raising his hips while Ben removes his trousers. Armitage spread his legs apart.

Ben took his time unbuttoning Armitage’s shirt. He wanted to savor exposing every inch of Armitage’s pale skin - his _burning hot_ skin. With every inch exposed, he pressed his lips on a spot and let them travel lower and lower. However, his fingers were trembling, his primal instincts screaming that he hurry up, stop holding on and just _let go_. Underneath him, Armitage squirmed, now glaring at him with hungry and demanding eyes. He wanted him to let go too.

If Armitage wanted him to let go then he will.

Flattening his tongue, Ben licked the middle of Armitage’s rotund stomach, earning a gasp from the redhead. Keeping his tongue out, he crawled downwards, leaving a trail of saliva on his lover’s body like a mark of ownership, until he was right between Armitage’s legs. Not one sound of protest left Armitage’s mouth, every single gasp and whine that bubbled from his lips were released to stir and encourage Ben.

Propping himself on his elbows, Armitage quietly gazed over Ben while he kissed his navel. He sucked in a breath as he feels a single finger breaching inside him. Ben could only imagine that the sensation was different from their first time together, he is different tonight after all. Ben raised his head, scrutinizing Armitage’s face for any signs of unease and when he found none, eases the  finger in deeper.

It may be dark but given his enhanced vision, he was still able to appreciate his lover’s beauty. His bright red hair was a mess, strands sticking out like the sun’s rays. Ben can clearly see that his cheeks are tinged darker than the other parts of his face. While he worked his finger inside him, Armitage watched him intently, his half-lidded eyes hazy, glossed over. He’s completely _enthralled_. Ben knew he must be looking at Armitage the same way. They kept their eyes locked at one another while Ben fingered him and Armitage bucked his hips in response.

“You’re beautiful,” Ben sighed, unable to help himself.

“That’s enough,” Armitage whispered, desperately, “I want you inside me now, Ben, please.”

His eyes, his body, his hair are all burning and Ben wanted nothing more than to bask in his fire and burn with him.

Quickly, Ben climbed on top of him, stroking his legs and then pressing his lips on the inside of his thigh on his way up. Once they were face-to-face, he held Armitage’s hips, holding him in place while Armitage wrapped his legs around his waist.

Ben slipped his cock inside him, surprising Armitage as he did. It must feel different to him. It is different, understandably. This specific anatomy of his had certain ‘features’ that are absent from his human body which makes it easier and quicker for him to give Armitage what he wanted.

Armitage lets out a sharp gasp. Ben’s cock feels completely different inside him than it was the first time he made love to him. Right now, it’s covered in some sort of slick and rather smaller than it was when he was human which was something Armitage didn’t expect. He thought that it would be the opposite and...

“Are you all right?”

It’s something Armitage had yet to get used to, yes. This slick, flaccid cock slithering inside him, barely filling him to pleasure. It’s strange but he still liked it. He licked his lips, feeling his face burning up while he nodded in response.

Ben looked unsure, which had Armitage wondering if he’s fucked anyone in this form before him. Perhaps, he should have asked but imagining Ben doing this with someone other than him fills him with...

Armitage gasped. Something is pulsating inside him, immediately putting all his thoughts to a halt. Ben’s _ridiculous_ cock is getting bigger inside him, it seems. Armitage would be laughing at that thought if he weren’t too overwhelmed by the sensation of being slowly filled. His breath hitched when that one specific sweet, special spot inside him was tapped. A moan blossoming from his lips.

Ben’s grip around Armitage’s hips tightened, almost to the point of pain. Armitage didn’t complain though. It was a good kind of pain and he liked it. Ben started thrusting his throbbing cock inside him deeper and faster. Armitage could keenly feel his insides stretching around Ben’s cock with each thrust. It’s getting bigger and harder than it was when Ben first slipped into him.

“ _More_ ,” Armitage panted, his slender body bouncing. His eyes were closed and his face a mask of utter bliss. 

Ben couldn’t keep his eyes off him, could no longer control himself. Gritting his teeth, he flattened himself against his lover, trapping Armitage’s cock in between their bellies. Armitage clung to him, wrapping his arms around Ben’s neck. He held him close while Ben’s thrusts became more demanding. It was impressive how he took and took all that Ben gave.

Ben pounded into his lover while Armitage rolled his hips in sync with his thrusts. It’s impressive how Armitage just takes all that Ben had to give him.

Every moan, every whine Ben was able to pull was music to his ears. He’s holding Armitage’s waist too tight now. There will be bruises there tomorrow, he’s certain. He could feel Armitage’s warm breath against his ear and he was asking - no, demanding - for more, more, more. He never would have taken Armitage to be a greedy lover. But of course, Ben would give him more. He would give him anything and everything as long as he wanted it.

When he snapped his hips against his, burying all of his length inside him, Armitage arched his back and threw his head back. He’s completely lost in pleasure, screaming and keening and wrapping his legs tighter around him as though urging him deeper. He came the second Ben pressed his lips against his neck and slightly opened it to let him feel his fangs. Ben didn’t stop rutting into him then, chasing his orgasm while Armitage leaned boneless against him. It didn’t take too long and he found himself coming deep inside the redhead, his knot not allowing any of his seed to spill out.

Armitage’s face was pressed against his neck, his perspiration clinging on Ben’s fur. He was kissing Ben’s neck, completely unfazed by all the fur while he still clung to Ben.

For a while, they stayed still, their bodies one, holding each other while they panted for breath and tried to get their heart rates back to normal.

“I will give you one last chance to change your mind, Hux,” Ben said, finally breaking the silence between them. “If you do not take it, you will be mine forever as I will be yours. So, are you certain that you want to come with me?”

“Oh, Ben,” Armitage said, smirking. He’s still catching his breath in between his words. “Don’t you see? Yes, I am certain. I am yours.”

Ben could not help but chuckle. His lover’s devotion to him fills him with joy. They had bled and fought and wept and suffered in the past. They deserve this. Slowly, he leaned in, watching Armitage’s eyes flutter close as he eagerly lifted his face to receive his lips. Ben kissed him, gently and slowly, sealing a promise of a lifetime and a promise of a new life.

Together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, dropping kudos and commenting! I appreciate it a lot! <3  
> \- - -  
> Beta: [fandomfix8](http://fandomfix8.tumblr.com/)  
> Artist: [sirinstree](https://twitter.com/sirinstree/)  
> You can find me [here](https://mademoisellebianx.tumblr.com/) on tumblr.


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